Lost for a Moment
by Split Mind Muse
Summary: Raven's in a world of hurt. Literally. Hell wasn't exactly tons of fun the last time she visited, and she has a feeling it isn't going to be much better this time around. She's saving a space for Cinderblock...Rae/Rob
1. A Wonderful Day to Die

Hey all, Split here with her very first story evar!!! I know, I'm way excited about it, too, since I've been a FF lurker since the beginning of time. It's about time, right? Well, this is a RAE/ROB pairing, in case you didn't read the summary, so if you don't like it, do me a favor and don't tell me about it. Just don't read it.

Disclaimer: ...You know, I could think of something real witty, but I'm too lazy, so nope, don't own TT. :( *sad*

Chapter 1: A Wonderful Day to Die

The day dawned. The yellow disk that was the sun rose over the horizon, throwing exotic colors onto the sky. Pinks, reds, and oranges shone above all others in the near vicinity of the sun, and the other side of the sky was a blanket of indigo. The first rays of light raced across Jump City and came to rest on Titan's Tower. The windows sparkled in the brilliant light, and the Tower was reflected in the glassy lake. Lacy clouds scudded across the sky, marring it. They would most likely be gone before morning really set in. Oh, yes; the beautiful sunrise foretold the beautiful day.

On the roof of the Tower, a small, blue-clad figure was sitting on air, statuesque in her stillness. Her violet eyes were closed. Her hair was the same dark shade as her eyes, clipped to her shoulders with a steep rise to the back of her neck. She had pale grey skin, and a lithe, lean frame. Her usual uniform, consisting of a black leotard, blue cloak, and boots, was absent. The black shorts and tanktop that served as pajamas were in its place, allowing her a luscious freedom of movement that the heavy cloak just couldn't match. Her hands were in the air, palms open, and the light, morning breeze ruffled her hair and gently caressed her face. She spoke the three strange words that so often made up the story of her life; Azarath Metrion Zinthos. Azarath Metrion Zinthos.

Her name was Raven. She was meditating, and she liked it. No Starfire to harass her about shopping. No Beast Boy and Cyborg trying to make her laugh or play video games. No Robin hounding her about, well, anything. Thankfully, they seemed to understand that it wasn't that she didn't like them, but merely needed some quiet time, and let her alone.

And Raven needed to be alone more than ever before; her emotions were running haywire. She knew why, too, but that didn't make it any less dangerous. Or irritating, for that matter. Whenever she walked into the room with _him_ in it, her heart would skip a beat and the butterflies in her stomach would start to dance. He triggered it, and then something would blow to pieces. Her friends would ask her what was wrong, and she couldn't tell them, because if she did, there would be too many problems, too many risks, too many broken hearts. And all of that was unacceptable. She had been up since very early this morning, long before dawn, to make triple sure that her emotions were completely under her control without the slightest chance of anything happening when she encountered him again. And they had _better_ stay that way.

Soon, the sun was almost fully above the horizon. Raven, satisfied that her emotions were very well in check, opened her eyes and lowered her feet to the ground. With a quick glance to ensure that no one was watching, she stretched her fists to the sky, arching her back and feeling it pop. She groaned in satisfaction as she relaxed, standing still for a moment to let the morning calm soothe away the last of her bed sores before turning and heading towards the door.

It was time to start the day.

Raven walked languorously to her room, enjoying her previous relaxation too much to discard it completely just yet. She felt, dare she admit it, happy. Jump City had been surprisingly quiet for the last couple weeks, giving the Titans a much-needed holiday from crime-fighting. Of course, that meant that Raven had to spend more time around a certain someone and had less excuses for things just randomly exploding. However, that issue should have been solved only moments ago, therefore meaning that she could read a book in peace.

Once in her room, she flung open her closet doors and pulled out a hanger on the left side, which was where all of her uniforms were. The right side housed a few short, black cocktail dresses or dressy slacks and shirts for when the Titans were invited to a city party, as well as a long, blue ballgown for any strictly formal occasions. Being a Titan wasn't all about fighting. There was a good deal of diplomatic socializing along with the package, and contrary to popular belief, Raven could at least function in a social setting. And walk in a pair of stilletos, if need be. She thanked Starfire for teaching her _that _particular skill.

Throwing the clothes over her arm, she walked to the bathroom on her floor and climbed into the shower. Hot water rolled over her, loosening taut muscles and giving her a few more precious minutes of relaxation. With a slight wrinkle of her nose, she picked through the various body soaps and conditioners that belonged to Starfire to find her own brand of shampoo. A simple bar of soap was enough to clean her body, and a small amount of one of Starfire's unscented conditioners kept her own hair soft and managable. Once clean, she stepped out of the water and dressed quickly before sweeping back into her room to make sure it was tidy before breakfast.

Once picking up her dirty pajamas and tossing them in the hamper, she rested all of her weight on one hip and scanned the tall bookshelves before picking a thick, leather-bound tome in pristine condition. Raven, unlike some other collectors, took great care of every book on her shelves.  
Putting the book under her arm, she turned and went back to her door.

_"Raven!"_ Beast Boy screamed just as Raven slid her door open. Raven leaped in surprise, dropping her book. Glass shattered back in her room. The girl looked back over her shoulder, scowling at the broken picture frame. She turned her scowl onto Beast Boy, boring a hole through his eye sockets with her gaze. He smiled at her sheepishly, his green eyes nervous. "Uh, sorry about that, Rae. Um, breakfast time," he said awkwardly to her glaring face. When the glare did not soften, he beat a hasty retreat.

Once the rambunctious teen was out of sight, Raven sighed and cleaned the shattered glass from her carpet, hoping she wouldn't spear herself in the foot the following morning. She set the picture of her mother on her desk for the time being and walked down to the kitchen.

"Good morning, Raven. We didn't think you would be joining us," a voice said. Raven turned to the speaker, which was Robin. She glanced in the direction of the stove, where Beast Boy was standing in a green apron with the words "Green guys get girls" printed on the cloth, before raising an eyebrow at Robin. He was leaning against the back of the couch with Starfire nestled in the curve of his arm. The Tameranian looked simply starstruck. Raven looked away, easily suppressing the emotions that threatened to overwhelm her after her long meditation. They made dime-a-dozen romance novels look believable. Unbidden, an image of a much curvier Starfire in an obscenely low-cut dress swooning into a much more muscular and half-naked Robin's arms popped into her mind. She shook her head to erase the disturbing image and busied herself by setting her book on the counter, digging out her tea kettle, and filling it with water. She placed it on a back burner, pulled her hood up and hopped onto the counter. She crossed her ankles as she waited for her water to boil, looking everywhere but at the new couple. Suddenly, Beast Boy cavalierly presented a plate to her.

"Why do we even let you near cooking utensils?" she asked, raising a sculpted eyebrow at the mess of tofu eggs in front of her. Beast Boy thrust the plate onto her lap, forcing her to either take the plate or dump its contents into her lap. With what she figured was supposed to be a dashing smile, Beast Boy returned to the stove. She cast a pleading glance at Cyborg, sitting at the bar, who quickly made a cross with his fingers.

"There is _no _way I'm eating that!" he protested to her unspoken question. Raven's gaze turned to the alien clinging to Boy Wonder like a human-sized leech. Much as she would prefer to just not look at either of them, Starfire would usually eat anything.

"Starfire?" the girl asked, offering the plate to her. The red-haired beauty flew over to her and took the offered plate without complaint. On the contrary, she had an enormous smile on her face.

"I thank you, friend Raven! On my planet, offering food is a sign of undying devotion!" Starfire announced with a twirl, nearly upsetting the eggs on the plate. Raven frowned a little. While the dark girl considered Starfire a very good friend and could often muster enough tolerance to go shopping with the girl for the sake of sheer entertainment, she didn't really do undying devotion.

"Um, right," Raven muttered, turning her attention to the shrill whistle of her kettle, which helped her avoid any further discussion of undying devotion. She pulled a blue mug out of the cupboard and quickly made up her breakfast of herbal tea. The steam blew into her face, making her mouth curve in a small, pleased smile. Nothing like tea to counteract the morning dose of Beast Boy.

"You are what you eat, Raven. Or in your case, drink. You should consider trying some of this. You know you want to," Beast Boy said, waving another plate beneath her nose.

_Then again, maybe tea won't cut it… _Raven thought. She could feel herself turning green from the smell of tofu that forced its way up her nose.

"I gave away the first plate for a reason," Raven replied, turning up her nose and retreating to the far side of the room, as far from the smell she could get. She quickly breathed in the slightly sharp tang of herbs from her tea to flush the tofu out of her system.

"An herb would be way more useful than a plate of tofu," she heard Cyborg mutter.

"What did you say?" Beast Boy snapped, whirling.

"I said an herb would be way more useful than a plate of tofu!" Cyborn repeated loudly. Beast Boy growled and leaped at the other Titan, and fighting ensued. Starfire laughed joyfully as she flew above the pair to referee the match, leaving Robin alone by the couch.

Raven cradled her mug, and Robin caught her eye. He smiled sardonically and rolled his eyes. Raven's mouth twitched into a half-smile before, to her horror, she felt her cheeks heat. Panicking, she tried to squelch the unruly emotions, only to have them leap from her control. With a shout, her mug burst in her hands, spilling hot tea down her front, and the entire pan of tofu exploded. Her black energy dissipated, leaving her sopping wet with tea and Cyborg, Beast Boy, and Starfire splattered with tofu egg.

Silence followed, and four pairs of eyes swiveled to the disheveled Raven. She lifted her own gaze to each pair, trying to be defiant and ending only in embarrassed, before sighing and dropping her arms. Suddenly, Cyborg shot her a thumbs up, and though Raven was relieved that Beast Boy's ideas of breakfast were firmly stifled, she was quite upset that her emotions, after all of her careful meditation, had managed to spiral out of control once again. And it was all Robin's fault!

"I need to be alone," she murmured just loud enough for everyone to hear her, and turned. Another long meditation session and a change of clothes were definitely in order.

Before she could take a single step, however, a loud, garish alarm started to pierce through the room. Robin flipped open his com unit, all business.

"Cinderblock. Titans, go!" he announced. Raven sighed. As uncomfortable as her wet clothes were, she'd just have to deal with it until they returned to the Tower. Determined to ignore the unsavory conditions, she flew from the room.

"Dudes, can't these guys just stay locked up?" Beast Boy muttered as the door whooshed shut behind him.

***

Raven, Starfire, and Beast Boy took to the skies while Robin zoomed along on his R-cycle and Cyborg in the T-car. They made no use of any tracking devices; just follow the trail of overturned cars, broken sidewalks, and screaming people and you've found Cinderblock. It seemed to Raven that there was really no point in the destruction; Cinderblock never tried to steal anything, anyway. Apparently, one wasn't destined to be the brightest crayon in the box when one's head was several times too small than one's body and one was made primarily of stone.

The Titans drew level with Cinderblock soon enough. Starfire wasted no time in shooting starbolts near the dumb creatures while the boys parked their transportation in a relatively safe area. Robin let out a shrill whistle with a characteristically cheesy taunt that made Raven sigh in resignation. Cinderblock lumbered his heavy body around, tiny eyes searching for the source of the commotion. Cyborg's arm shifted to his sonic cannon, which he quickly brought into the air and fired. Beast Boy the Eagle swooped down and shapeshifted into Beast Boy the Monkey and began to climb Cinderblock's craggy body. Raven looked around the street to find ammunition.

"Starfire, watch Beast Boy," Raven warned, flying past the Tameranian to find bigger, better debris. Starfire gave a quick nod, her eyes glowing like bright green crystals. Raven finally found three overturned semis lying across the street. Deeming it sufficient ammunition, she raised her arms. Black energy crackled about her palms and her eyes started to be shot through with the same blackness.

"Azarath Metri—" she began, but she was cut off when a barrage of stones came hurtling her way. She moved nimbly through the air, dodging the stones with ease. With a grimly triumphant smile, she raised her arms again, but she hadn't even spoken when a large piece of skyscraper came her way.

Raven would have had to have the reaction time of a supercomputer to have moved in time. The mass of stone hit her full force, slamming her into a glass window behind her. Chunks of glass and stone ripped through her uniform like it was so much rice paper. She hit the ground hard on her back, knocking the wind from her. Without thinking, she leaped to her feet and dived back out the window to help her friends...and nearly fell from the sky. With a loud shout of pain, she managed to get herself righted in the air long enough to set herself on the ground, where she crumpled.

The world began to get blurry around her. She forced the darkness back through sheer willpower, assessing her injuries. She noticed vaguely that her cloak was gone, torn to shreds. With a grunt, she pulled at the brooch, dropping the rest of the fabric from her neck. One eye had red vision, seeing the world through a haze of blood. Her left side felt like it was on fire, and she wasn't really sure how decent she was anymore. Only years of meditation kept her powers from going crazy from the enormous pain. Despite it all, her eyes began to glitter black as she fueled all of that pain into the emotion she would need to finish this battle.

Raven was now, officially, pissed.

Still sprawled across the concrete, she raised her free arm.

"_Azarath Metrion Zinthos!" _she screamed, throwing her hand in Cinderblock's direction. The three semis followed her hand, sparkling black. They slammed into the beast, exploding on contact and knocking him dangerously off-balance. Starfire had already picked up Robin. She turned in three quick circles and released the boy, sending him hurtling into the criminal. Cyborg added a long burst from his sonic cannon and Beast Boy, as a yak, slammed into the back of Cinderblock's knees, sending the creature toppling.

Before Cinderblock could rise again, Raven raised her arm with a loud shout of pain and twisted fallen support beams and light poles around Cinderblock's rocky limbs, effectively holding him until the police arrived. Only then did she allow herself to fall back against the concrete. The world spun in lazy circles as the other Titans busied themselves getting Cinderblock into the police transport, and when they realized that Raven wasn't helping, they realized that she hadn't risen to her feet for a reason. With a final heave, Cinderblock was in the transport and the Titans were racing to their fallen friend.

"Raven! You are badly injured!" Starfire called, seeing the blood splatter the street where Raven was lying. Raven felt like Starfire was very far away from her, and wondered idly how that could have happened. Calmness settled over her shoulders, finally numbing the crushing pain. The world became blurry and muffled once more, and with her friends out of danger, Raven just couldn't find the willpower to force the darkness back a second time.

"She's going into shock. Raven, you'll be alright. We'll get you back to the Tower," Robin said urgently, miles away. She felt her back leave the concrete, held in strong arms, and her head flopped back, turning the world upside down. Then, only an instant later, she was inside the T-Car, laid carefully across the backseat.

"It's a wonder she could even fight for as long as she did," she heard Cyborg say just before the blackness finally claimed her, sending her into beautiful silence.

***

Cyborg raced home with his precious cargo unconscious in the backseat. Truly, it was a miracle she was alive, but he just didn't have the heart to admit it to himself. He forced himself to think of driving and not his long-time friend and surrogate little sister. No point in getting into an accident. That'd kill her for sure.

He drifted into the garage, situating the backseat door right next to the door in the Tower. Robin zoomed in after him, killing the power on the R-Cycle and letting it just clatter to the ground. Cyborg reached in and took the unconscious Raven from the backseat and carried her to the hospital ward.

Starfire dressed Raven's wounds behind a curtain, worrying silently. Her friend Raven was clothed in bandages; her entire torso was sterile white. Star knew in the back of her mind that that pristine shade would soon be red. After a moment, Raven subconsciously levitated herself six inches off of the hospital table as her own unique healing powers went to work. Star draped a blanket over her lightly bandaged hips and legs for decency's sake, though the bandages themselves would have sufficed, and drew the curtain around the bed back.

The four quickly set up shifts to keep Raven constantly monitored and informed the city police that the Titans would be out of commission indefinitely due to Raven's extensive and life-threatening injuries. Robin wisely refused outside medical professionals; being half demon, half Azar, Raven's physiology was different from that of a human's, and only the Titans were aware of what these differences were and how to deal with them.

Despite their around-the-clock care, infection that they fought to prevent set in, and Raven developed a fever that kept climbing. Human medications for fever proved ineffectual and trying to sweat it out of her made things worse, leaving them with only the option of packing her bandages with ice to try and bring the fever back down from dangerous levels.

For the next five days, Raven was curled into her subconscious, firmly out of reach of all outside help. Occasionally, she heard the sound of her friends and sprang to life, running towards the vague noise she'd heard, before finding herself lost in the ineffable darkness once more and curling into the fetal position to wait for the next sign that she wasn't alone.

Once night, Robin was dozing in a chair when there came loud, alarming beeping. He jerked awake, alert instantly as he ran to check the instrument panel with encroaching dread. Raven was crashing.

"Get me a crash cart!" he roared, slicing through the silence of the Tower in the early morning. He rushed to her side, trying to take her vital signs. Precious moments later, Cyborg rolled around the corner with paddles, prepping them. He pushed the Boy Wonder away from Raven forcefully, accidentally sending him sprawling as Starfire shot a green line of light from her eyes, searing the bandages away and exposing the pale skin of Raven's chest. Cyborg pressed the defibrillator paddles against the skin.

"Clear!" he shouted, sending over 700 volts to Raven's heart. She bucked on the table, but the beeping didn't stop.

Cyborg desperately tried again, and again, and again, and on the seventh attempt, Robin laid a hand on the titanium alloy arm.

She was gone.

Starfire dissolved into loud tears, Beast Boy's face fell, and Robin felt dumbstruck. Raven wasn't gone. She _couldn't_ be gone. She'd been alive only moments ago!

"No!" he raged, slamming a hand against her chest before collapsing against the grey skin. He shook uncontrollably, not wanting the remaining warmth in Raven's skin to die away. He willed her chest to rise beneath his hands, but there was no movement.

He wasn't sure how long he lay there, his forehead pressed resolutely against Raven's collarbones, before gentle hands on his shoulders pulled him away. Tears dripped from his chin. Starfire wiped the tears away.

"We couldn't have known--" she started, but Robin shook her off roughly.

"I'm the leader! I'm not supposed to let anyone..." He couldn't finish, and instead stormed from the room. Starfire looked sadly at the remaining Titans and back to Raven's body. She remained there long after Beast Boy and Cyborg left.

Stubbornly, as though Raven would not be able to beat the unbeatable unless she was Raven in every way, Starfire retrieved a clean uniform and dressed the dark woman's now-cold body in it. She pulled the hood up carefully over Raven's violet hair and folded the large blue cloak around her limbs, hiding the woman's imperfections caused by Cinderblock. She nitpicked over details into dawn, and only when Robin came down, calmer, and made her go to bed did she leave her dead companion's side.

A/N: R&R, thanks, bai! *3*

A/N Edit: Thanks, Colorado, for letting me know about the error. ^.^


	2. Not Home

Raven's dead? What? No wai!

Yah, wai. But it's alright. She'll get through this.

I would also like to note here that yes, I do indeed know what Raven's past is. However, I've decided that I'm going to tweak it up a bit to fit my needs. *le gasp* Lots of Raven nekkid in this chapter, actually…

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans. Which is a damn shame, actually.

Chapter 2: Not Home

Raven opened her eyes, disoriented. Where was she? What was going on?

Once she got her wits back about her, she expected extreme pain, but that didn't come. Nor did the voices of her friends. In fact, the hum of electronics from the hospital ward of the Titans Tower was absent completely.

Confused, she sat up and looked around. Everything was dismal and black, and occasionally a spurt of flame would erupt from one of the tall, conical rocks that dotted the landscape. Tiny, dark creatures darted around her, hiding behind stones and cackling sinisterly.

Suddenly, the importance of these observations slammed into Raven like a truck; she was in Hell.

With a loud groan, Raven climbed to her feet, checking her left side. Where there should have been angry red scars or wounds, there was clear, unmarked skin. There were no bandages, either, but she wished there was. All entrants into Hell were to enter it completely naked, which left her feeling awfully vulnerable.

_Which is the point, _she thought, lifting her eyes to the sky to check her position. If her tracking skills were correct, the palace was due north. With a sigh, she began to walk in that direction, trying to ignore the heat and how it made her skin sticky.

"Damn it," she muttered. Now she was dead and wouldn't be able to leave as easily as she had in the past. In the past, she had been a living demon, free to move about the realms. Now, she was a dead demon and Azarian, and that overrode her ability to do such things. Cinderblock had a lot to answer for just as soon as she got her father to restore her to the human realms. _If_ she could get her father to restore her to the human realms. Unfortunately for her, her powers were also absent, safeguarding her body since she planned to return shortly. Being half demon at least had that advantage. It wouldn't do to wake up in a coffin six feet under the ground or worse, as a pile of ashes.

The little demons left her well enough alone during her walk. After all, despite the fact that Trigon had failed in taking over the human realms due to Raven and her friends, Raven was still his favorite. She wasn't just a princess of Hell; she was THE Princess of Hell.

She reached the palace in a short amount of time and pushed the doors open, holding her head high. She wouldn't let her own nakedness put her off. In fact, demonesses in Hell often went naked. Ignoring the lewd ogling of palace demons, she resolutely continued with one-minded purpose.

She threw open the doors to her father's private chambers upon arrival, drawing herself up to her full height. The tall red demon was looking out a window at the aimless souls walking around, being plagued by the tiny demons, with a slight smile. He turned his head and calmly took in his daughter's queenly bearing.

"Ah, my daughter. You look like the very Goddess of War herself. I take it this would be a bad time to inquire on whether you have returned to become my heiress?" Trigon asked.

"You know very well why I've returned. I was never one to galavant around stark naked," Raven returned coldly.

"Indeed, you weren't. All I can assume is that you, the great Teen Titan Raven, have met a grisly end, and since your soul is and always will be the blackest void in the universe, you were transported into my hands. Too bad Arella isn't here. We could have been one happy family," Trigon said.

"I demand to be returned to the human realms," Raven said shortly, ignoring the barb about her mother. He was only trying to aggravate her. "Don't think I don't know you had a hand in my death. I've recovered from greater wounds. One of your demons had a hold on me."

"Such mistrust! I've never lied to you," Trigon said smoothly. "But yes, I did have a hand in your death. I'm a bit tired of granting your every whim and indulging this unhealthy fascination for the human realms. It's time for you to be a big girl and come home to your Princess duties, which you've been neglecting. So no. No, I will not be returning you to the human realms. I've had quite enough of your running about up there."

"It is against the demon code for you to force me into a realm when I am in another!" Raven snapped.

"You were hovering between life and death, slipping in and out of my realm as you pleased. I had every right to force you to stay here when you came through," Trigon shot back. Raven scowled darkly. Trigon smiled.

"Stay awhile, my dear. It's been so long since you've been home, and we have…missed you," he continued with a genial smile. Raven knew that, despite his gentle tone, it was not a request. Nor did she have a choice. He was King here.

She turned her back to him.

"This is _not_ my home," she said fiercely as she stormed from the room.

***

Raven walked into the room that had been hers long ago, before she'd run away. A gigantic four-poster bed was against the back wall, with the black, velvety hangings drawn back. A large, empty bookcase filled one wall, built around a big mahogany desk, leaving no wall-space for anything else. A spacious closet filled with clothes for any occasion was set into the right wall, as well as a floor-length, ornately decorated mirror. There was a picture window behind her bed, giving her the best view of Hell one could find.

Raven hated it.

She wanted to be home, even if this room was so much better than her room in the Tower. It was in the palace. What more reason was there to hate it?

A sudden yawn took her by surprise. She was tired, and as much as she didn't want to lie on that bed, it looked sinfully comfortable. She closed her door (slammed it, really, making sure that her father got the idea that she _wasn't_ happy) and settled onto the mattress. Sleep claimed her, and her problems were momentarily forgotten.

***

Robin led the way to the medical lab. No one wanted to go, but it was simply impossible to leave Raven and never enter the room again. Robin especially did _not _want to walk through that door. Clearly, it was _his_ fault that Raven had perished. Surely he could have done something?

"Starfire, you don't have to come," he said to the alien, thinking that spending any more time around the lifeless body might spark some morbid fascination in Star. The way she'd treated Raven's shell all night was a good indicator of the plausibility of that fear. Starfire took a deep breath and shook her head.

"No, I shall make a last tribute to my friend. She would not forgive me otherwise," she said, keying in the access code herself and being the first to walk in once the door had slid open. The boys hesitated, wondering if they should leave Star alone for a moment.

Suddenly, a shrill scream rang out. Beast Boy, Robin, and Cyborg leapt into the room, prepared for a fight, but found a very surprising sight before them. Starfire had her back against a machine, staring at Raven's body in horror

. Even though she had died the night before, black energy was swirling around her, levitating her corpse.

Robin regained his composure and quickly checked her statistics; she was still completely dead. Beast Boy reached out a shaky hand to try and touch Raven, but the black shield around her stopped his hand. He gave her a soft push, but her black coffin didn't budge.

"Uh, Robin? We won't be able to move her. This stuff won't let me," the green boy said, pushing some more. Cyborg elbowed Beast Boy out of the way and shoved with all his might, but he could neither penetrate nor move the black case.

"Her powers aren't letting her go. Why?" Robin asked himself in an undertone.

"Only Raven can answer that," Cyborg said grimly. After awhile, Beast Boy and Cyborg excused themselves and left the room. Starfire, with silent tears, pressed her hand against the black wall and left. Only Robin remained. He, too, touched the coffin.

"I should have done something. There had to have been something," he murmured. She had been their tether and their reality and could think clearly while everyone else was in a state of panic, as well as bring everyone back from that panic. Now they no longer had Raven to rely on because he hadn't looked hard enough.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, and fled from the room.

***

Raven sat bolt upright in her bed, shaking and in a cold sweat. She had seen them.

"Oh, no," she whispered. She _had_ to get back. The team needed her. Raven understood Robin's irritating complexity like few others did, and it bothered her to see him beating himself up. He couldn't have done anything, yet he insisted on self-loathing. It wasn't good for him or anyone else. Immediately, Raven had a brand-new appreciation for every single one of her team members. How could she have ever doubted that they cared about her? Malchior couldn't even compare to the sight she'd seen of her heartbroken friends during her sleep.

A knock on the door came. Raven sighed and climbed from bed, wrapping the deep blue sheet around her torso and securing it firmly. She had no desire to parade her body about any longer.

She opened the door to be greeted by a very handsome man who Raven recognized as one of her countless half-brothers, none of which she liked in the slightest.

"What do you want, Ciaran?" she asked, acting bored in hopes that he would leave faster.

"To deliver a message. I see there is no love lost between us, sister," Ciaran commented, eyeing her scanty dress lewdly. Unlike the human realms, most demons seemed to have no problem with incest.

"Get on with it. I have people to see," Raven said impatiently.

"Like your nasty human friends? _I_ could be your friend," Ciaran suggested sensuously. Raven raised an eyebrow.

"I prefer humans to incestuous jackasses. What's the message?" Raven asked. It tried her patience to put up with him for more than five seconds on a good day.

"He wishes for you to join him for breakfast. Nice sheet, by the way, really brings out your eyes. Can I take it off?" the man asked, looking pointedly at the long line of cleavage that poked out beneath her make-shift pajamas. Raven slammed the door in his face.

While she did not want to give Trigon the impression that she cared what he thought, she admitted that it would be hard for anyone to take her seriously in a sheet. She tugged it a bit, and it fell from her body to pool around her feet. Stepping over the blue folds, she flung the closet open. Dresses were simple, elegant, neutral. She knew Trigon couldn't be swayed by appearances, but every little bit would help her, now.

"Hmmm…breakfast with Daddy Dearest…Azar, who picks these out?" Raven muttered to herself in disgust. Most of the dresses were too low up high and too high down low. Finally, she found a slinky cocktail number. It was black, naturally, as all the clothes in her closet were, with a skirt that elegantly brushed her knees and a simple, corset-laced bodice up her back. Tall, strappy heels completed the look. Her hair was too short to do much with, but she was able to find an onyx clip to pin one side up and away from her face. Classy.

She checked her appearance in the mirror, deemed it satisfactory, and left the room, making her way towards the dining room. She burst through the doors, her usual frown in place. Her father sat at the head of a table that could seat fifty. Raven walked down to him, her heels clicking smartly on the red marble floor, and slid into the seat on his left.

"Good morning, Raven. You look nice," Trigon said amiably. Raven ignored the sweetness; it was all an act in his play.

"I wish to return to home. Immediately," she said primly, slicing a pomegranite neatly in half and taking a delicate bite.

"You are home, my daughter," Trigon replied.

"'Home' is where no one hates you. This is not home," Raven retorted.

"I'm sorry you feel that way, child. But I am not sending you back to the human realm. You will stay here and take over once I am gone," Trigon said. Raven scowled before letting her face smooth into a mask. She rose elegantly and pushed the chair in, leaving her partially eaten pomegranite on her plate.

"Then I will _find_ a way home. Rest assured, I'm not staying here," she said calmly. The sharp, angry flash in her eyes was her only outward sign of rage. Whirling, she walked briskly from the room, ignoring everyone else around her. She contemplated going back to her bedroom, and got an idea. She veered to the right, heading towards the library.

"No realm doesn't have back doors," she muttered, and started weaving her way around the enormous room, piling books into her arms.

All the rest of that day, she hauled countless numbers of books from the library to her room, wishing she had her powers yet knowing what it would mean if she did. Her room filled slowly, and when no more books would fit, she locked the door, tossed several on the bed, and began to read.

A/N: R&R, thanks, lots of love!


	3. Nothing's Ever Fair

First of all, to my reviewers, thank you so much! I very much appreciate that you guys are following my story. ^.^ Also, props and cookies to Misty, for being my very first reviewer EVER.

*hands a trophy*

Now, without further ado, on with the story!

Disclaimer: Teen Titans does not belong to me. Ciaran is, though. Lucky me, eh?

Chapter 3: Nothing's Ever Fair

"Raven, open this door! Father is getting angry with you for ignoring his summons! What are you hiding?" Ciaran hollered, pounding on the door. Raven ignored him. Her father knew perfectly well what Raven was "hiding", which was the real reason behind his very public sarcasm and temper tantrums. Undoubtedly, he thought that after a week or so, Raven would calm down and fall into line, but this was not the case. Unbeknownst to Ciaran, when Raven blatantly ignored their father, he instead came to visit her. Unfortunately for him, he could not force his daughter to do anything other than stay in Hell, and only then if she were to try and leave by conventional means.

Raven, unfortunately to her father, was not merely an accomplished space traveler. She was also proficient at realm and dimensional travel, as many forms of meditation involved moving from one parallel plane to another. She had a whole slew of unconventional ways to travel through the realms and dimensions that could easily bypass that little rule. She had even managed to simulate "wrinkling" through time, a concept created by Madeleine L'Engle, a very accomplished dimension-traveler, and outlined in her novel, A Wrinkle in Time. The book was published as a work of children's fiction, naturally, but with a little loose interpretation, the theoretical information on how to do it was clear enough.

Actually doing it without nearly killing oneself was nigh impossible, but that is another story.

However, Raven was encountering a bit of a problem. Since Hell was where many who were quite immoral in their lifetimes (or demons, in Raven's case) went, it was designed to keep other inter-dimensional travelers in, as well. Raven knew this was going to be a difficult search, but then again, most spirits didn't have the resources she did or the demonic blood that kept the blanket of demon magic from sapping her strength and resolve.

Raven knew these things and intended to win this very dangerous game with her father. Trigon also knew these things, and was determined to keep Raven right where he wanted her. Ciaran, on the other hand, didn't really know much at all and was doing a great job at annoying Raven to the point of possibly killing him. He just wanted to be up-to-date on palace gossip and be able to answer the question on everyone's lips; why was the Princess ignoring the King?

Raven grit her teeth. His pounding was incessant, and she'd read the same sentence three times without taking it in. Annoyance escalated to full-blown problem. She got off the bed, clenched her fist, and crossed her room to open the door. Ciaran stopped mid-pound, surprised to have gotten a reaction.

"What?" Raven asked shortly.

"What are you up to? Father demands to know!" Ciaran announced imperially, lying smoothly.

"You're an idiot. Leave, or I'll tell Father that you've been playing Guess Who's In Me with the spirits," she replied flatly. The color drained from his face at the thought of what Trigon would do if he found out about Ciaran's little obsession. Sex with demons was fine. Sex with siblings was fine. Sex with spirits was _not _fine. In fact, it was so "not fine" that if Trigon found out, neither Raven nor anyone else would see Ciaran again.

"What makes you think that?" he finally asked, testing her. Raven raised an eyebrow.

"My window looks right over the Spirit Plains. I happened to be glancing out when my retinas were brutally scarred by the sight of your bare-naked ass," she replied. Any remaining color in his face left with Raven's irrefutable proof of his little outings.

He scuttled away. She returned to her book.

Another week passed before Raven finally tossed a book on the bed in frustration and paced around her room. It was no use. The fact was that if there had been any reference to one of the realm's back doors, Trigon or some past King would have destroyed all evidence of it long ago. It was common knowledge that every realm had at least one; Raven could think of three on Earth that were located as close as half an hour's flying distance away. Realms couldn't be had without back doors; it was unsafe if an inter-realm war came up. Hell's would undoubtedly be extremely well-hidden and tucked into the deepest, darkest corner. Not only that, but some required specific potions to be drank, outlandish words to be said in strange, dead languages, or other such nonsense. Some beings were very accomplished "hackers" of back doors. Raven was not one of those beings. She just knew where to look when she needed the findings of realm hackers.

Suddenly, she sank to her knees in the middle of the floor, a thunderstruck look on her face.

Of course. She knew exactly where to find every single one of Hell's back doors. And it was in a musty old tome that she'd settled down to read during breakfast that fateful morning she'd been hit by half a skyscraper.

Oh, cruel irony.

Raven clambered to her feet, a series of "what ifs" running through her head as she mechanically stacked books into her arms and carried them out into the corridor towards the library. The knowledge had been right there at her fingertips, and she'd been too busy making tea and thinking about Robin and Starfire to have even given the book a once-over.

As she trudged wearily back to the library, her thoughts turned wistfully to her powers. Naturally, they still protected her body, as they should be, but Raven had had to do more manual labor in one month than ever in her life. She'd taken for granted that if something heavy needed to go on the top shelf, a mere flick of a finger would send it there. Now, she was stuck hauling heavy things around or slating a palace servant to do it. Her emotions weren't even around, for Azar's sake, and even if most of them irritated her, it would have been nice to have someone to talk to other than her half-siblings and the wall. She didn't need the Nevermore mirror to talk to them; simply to see and interact with them, and Azar knew that she could go without doing that for the rest of her life.

Suddenly, a thought struck her, making her stop dead in her tracks.

_Nevermore._

Raven raced to the library as quickly as she could, dropped the books on the floor, and raced back out, unable to be bothered with picking them up. It was the most ridiculous back door she'd ever heard of, but if it worked, it would be outside of her father's jurisdiction. All she had to do was find the only other Azarian in Hell, or more importantly, her things.

***

"What are we to do about friend Raven?" Starfire asked for the thousandth time. It was bad enough that the woman had died tragically. Now, her powers would not allow her friends to give her a proper funeral. Robin had been correct in thinking that Starfire would develop a morbid fascination with the body. She went in there every evening, like clockwork, to talk to it. Robin finally had to bar the alien from setting foot in the hospital ward to keep the problem from spiraling out of control, and Starfire had been a bear to live with since.

"Star, it's been over a month. I don't know. We can't move her from the bed any more today than we could yesterday," Robin replied. Cyborg had gotten the idea to draw a curtain around her lifeless form, but it remained a cruel reminder of how much they had lost, and kept them from moving forward. It just wasn't right. Nothing about it was right, and it still hurt as much now as it did the day she died.

Starfire began to sob…again. It had been hard for her to hold it together since the rest of the team had banned her from the ward, and even though Robin had found it easy to console Starfire in the past, it was ten times more difficult now that they were an item. She expected him to work miracles and take all of her pain away, but it simply didn't work like that. He didn't have that kind of power.

Beast Boy walked over to where Starfire was flopped on the couch, knelt beside her, and put a gentle hand on her back. Robin couldn't have cared less. Hopefully, Beast Boy would have better luck. Anything set Starfire off, and it took a great deal of work to put her back together again, if she would be put together at all.

"Starfire, don't cry. Raven wouldn't have wanted you to," Beast Boy began soothingly. Robin sighed; big mistake already. Starfire sat straight up on the couch, her eyes beginning to glitter with anger. Beast Boy's eyes widened in surprise as he sat back on his heels at her sudden mood swing.

"How do you know what friend Raven would have wanted? She is not among us to tell you so!" she wailed, jumping to her feet and bolting to her room. Beast Boy looked at the door she exited through, shocked. Robin shook his head and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Good try, I guess. I've been getting the same thing. Everything reminds her of Raven and she insists on being difficult about it," Robin said to the green boy. Beast Boy frowned.

"Well, how are we supposed to make her feel better if she won't let us?" he demanded.

"Maybe we should just give her some space," Cyborg suggested. "Seems to be the only thing that's working for her." Robin was willing to try anything by this point. Starfire's constant waterworks were beginning to irritate him because she was so stubborn about being upset. He'd asked her time and again what she wanted him to do, but she'd only yell and storm off, confusing him. Why couldn't she just _tell _him?

And yet, it was his fault that Raven was gone. He just wasn't smart enough or fast enough or _anything _enough to have saved her.

Beast Boy and Cyborg exchanged glances as they watched Robin fall into the now-usual funk of self-hate. Both longed to tell him that it wasn't his fault and make it work, but nothing would make him believe otherwise. Sometimes, he was worse than Starfire.

Not to say that they weren't affected. Cyborg busied himself as much as possible, working on the T-Car or upgrading or building hotrods in his spare time, and Beast Boy would go off to think during odd times of the day. It wasn't easy for anyone, but with Robin out of commission, both Cyborg and Beast Boy felt that they had to step up to the plate and keep everyone going.

"Well, it's getting late. Robin, get some rest," Cyborg ventured. Robin wasn't getting any sleep lately, and it was difficult to watch his leader breaking down like he was.

"Rest for what?" Robin asked dejectedly. Cyborg frowned.

"To face tomorrow," he answered with a shrug. Robin smiled wearily up at Cyborg and stood, just staring for a while. Beast Boy yawned and headed out, and Cyborg watched Robin for a moment before leaving, as well. Robin was the last one to leave.

On the way to his bedroom, he took a detour to Starfire's room.

"Star?" he called, knocking softly. There was no answer. Robin slid the door open gently and walked in, closing it behind him. A grin swept over his face at her. She still hadn't gotten the idea that the pillow was for her head, though she at least had stopped sleeping upside-down. Leaning over, her took the pillow from under her feet, slid it beneath her head, and covered her with blankets. He laid a long kiss against her forehead, breathing in the smell of her skin.

"I'm sorry, Star. I wish I could help," he whispered into her hair. He put his lips to her forehead once more before straightening and leaving the room. The second the door swished shut, Starfire opened her eyes, already blurry with tears.

"I am sorry, too, my Robin," she whispered to the empty air. She still felt his kisses on her forehead and touched the skin with her fingertips. An emptiness she'd never felt before ate at her, ineffably worse than the betrayal of her sister or Robin's attack on her when Slade had had control over him. It grew and grew inside of her, swamping everything. Starfire couldn't banish it, ignore it, or push it away. The void only devoured her from the inside out a void that could only be filled with something dark, soothing, and always calm. Something that had left her some time ago, but continued to haunt her nightmares.

With a shaky sigh, Starfire rolled over and closed her eyes, never ready to face another dream filled with Raven's voice and a pool of sticky blood.

A/N: Poor Star! *cuddles* Don't worry, all you Star lovers, she finds happiness, too. ^.^ Not exceptionally informative, but I needed a scene-setting chapter, and this would be it! Don't worry, we'll see Raven's bright idea next chapter...

R&R for mucho love, bien? Bien! Thanks for reading!


	4. Fragile

Hey, I'm back with Chapter Four, which is WAY more exciting than Chapter Three, trust me. And longer. This is my longest chapter yet. Perhaps a good omen? Sorry if I took some liberties with the canon TT, by the way, but I have to make this work some way! ^.^ I'm more worried about keeping my boys and girls in character.

Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans. But don't worry, Ciaran comes back later! *creeper*

Chapter 4: Fragile

Raven trekked to the treasury with one-minded determination. There was only one place she was going to find what she needed, and it was going to be among the piles of booty her father and his clan had appropriated through trade, theft, or murder.

After Trigon's brutal rape and eventual murder of Arella, Raven had been lonely in her prison-like home. To ease that loneliness, she visited the treasury, where Trigon had placed Arella's things. Raven's feet followed an invisible path through the horde of gold and jewels with ease, no longer awed by so much wealth in one area. Nothing in any of those piles was more valuable than what she sought at that moment.

Reverently, Raven slowed and bowed before a modest altar. Four items were on the silver surface, looking as though they'd been used only the day before.

The first was a long, silver comb inlaid with sapphires. Raven remembered her mother brushing her hair with the lovely thing. While it was beautiful, it held no actual purpose other than being valuable and useful all at once.

Another was a musty book that Trigon had never trusted in the library with all of Arella's notes on dimension travel. Without Arella's help, Trigon would have never been able to fortify Hell as well as he did, making it impossible for Raven to leave through her usual means.

The third item was a neatly folded cloak. Raven let her fingers trail softly across the fabric, a small smile tugging at her lips. It was the exact same shade as her own, if longer and of a slimmer fit. Raven, by some curse of genetics, hadn't been gifted with her mother's willowy frame. Rather, she'd inherited a demonic trait of being sensuously curvy. Such was life, she supposed.

The last item, which she was the most interested in, was a mirror. It was white and plain, with a long, unadorned handle that fit comfortably into Raven's palm. This had been her mother's meditating mirror. She ran a finger along the side, feeling how smooth the ivory was, before tucking it into the waistband of her jeans and pressing the silvery surface flush against her back, shivering at the coolness of the glass as she covered the brilliant white with her shirt. A bit of quiet rummaging produced a mirror that was almost identical, though wouldn't pass any close inspections. Not even members of the royal family could take things from the treasury. After looking around to make sure everything was in place, she walked back to her bedroom.

As soon as she reached the room, she closed the door and locked it. It wouldn't do for someone to walk in on her with a valuable piece of the royal treasury in her hands. She pulled the mirror from her jeans and sat cross-legged on her bed, staring at her own reflection. Deep shadows circled her eyes, making her look even worse than she felt, and her hair desperately cried out for a shower. It wasn't her ideal homecoming image, but it would have to do.

Suddenly, her doorknob rattled and a giant fist pounded on the wood.

"Raven. I demand your presence," her father said crossly through the door. Raven's eyes widened. Surely he couldn't have known about the mirror already? Hurriedly, she shoved the artifact beneath her pillow and rose, smoothly wiping guilt from her face. She pulled her shirt over her head and dropped her bra next to it on the floor before unlocking the door and opening it a crack, making a point to try and cover her exposed chest.

"What? I'm changing," she said shortly. Trigon frowned lightly down at her before pushing the door, knocking Raven aside and revealing her to Trigon's full glare.

"You will join me for dinner. Immediately," he ordered. Raven rolled her eyes and turned her back on her father to clip on her bra carelessly.

"I'm not hungry," she responded as she pulled her shirt over her head. Then, a cry of surprise and pain burst from her lips as Trigon's red fingers closed around her hair and yanked her towards the door.

"It is not a request," he told her, slamming her door behind him and dragging her to the Dining Hall, his hand ruthlessly yanking her hair the entire way.

Once within, he threw her to the marble floor, bumping her hip painfully. She fought to control her anger, then was surprised. Without the consequences of her powers blowing things to the moon, her emotional control was slipping. She immediately resolved to meditate for several hours that night to remedy the situation. It wouldn't do to be out of practice when she was back in control of her full capabilities.

"A fine way to treat your daughter," she said blandly, as though her head weren't on fire.

"I've had enough of this. You will be eating dinner with me every night for the foreseeable future," he said coolly. Raven rose to her feet and calmly dusted herself off.

"I don't think so," she replied. His scowl deepened, and he held out his hand. A glass orb materialized within it, and he threw it to the floor at Raven's feet. It shattered, sending thick, white smoke into her face and making her cough.

Her eyes widened as she focused on the steam in front of her.

The broken, twisting picture showed her friends in Titan's Tower. But that wasn't what worried her. It was the ten or twenty small, semi-transparent demons crawling over the windows, keeping wide eyes trained on each of the four Titans. Raven knew this particular breed of demon, and only those with demon blood could even see them, let alone detect and destroy them. They were a key component in Trigon's dynasty maintaining power.

"I trust you'll change your mind," Trigon said coldly. Raven was willing to bet that over one hundred were milling about on the Tower, ready to report any suspicious activity or strike her friends down with ease should she cross him too badly. Raven frowned at the picture before crossing her arms.

"What are we waiting for?"

***

Dinner was a strained affair. Only she and Trigon were seated at the high table once again, and Raven refused to speak a word. Trigon didn't attempt conversation, which confused her. Why else force dinner than to talk to her or yell at her or try and coerce her into making dangerous promises? Confused and suspicious, she finished her meal and left the Dining Hall without a word. He was up to something. Trigon never did whimsical things. However, there was nothing she could do about him that night. If she was lucky, it was all she would have to do with him ever again.

In her room once more, Raven changed into casual clothes and sat on the bed, ready to try her little stunt with her mother's mirror. Hesitation and nervousness pulled at her heart. Nevermore was a very, very personal place, and once an Azarian was attuned to a mirror, no other was supposed to ever use it. Best-case scenarios usually ended with the user being a vegetable. But Raven was desperate, and this was her mother's mirror. Raven was biologically related to Arella, and it was through this bond of blood that she hoped would allow her access into her own Nevermore through another's mirror unscathed. She would have preferred to merely attune another mirror to herself to get there, but unfortunately, without her powers, that simply wasn't possible. She merely had to hope that her mother's magic would deliver her to Nevermore safely.

With a calming sigh that did little to stop her pounding heart, Raven let herself sink into a familiar place that she never needed magic to get to. She allowed her eyes to flutter closed and her fingers began to roam the mirror, feeling every physical aspect of it. Warmth surrounded her, making her mouth relax into a lazy smile. She felt like she was sunbathing on the beach. In fact, she could almost hear Beast Boy in the distance…

Suddenly, a bird cawed wildly. Raven jumped and opened her eyes.

She was in her Nevermore.

Raven scrambled to her feet, hardly able to believe that her wild, ridiculous plan had actually worked. However, as soon as she took a single step, the image around her shook violently, knocking her off of her feet again. Raven pressed her palms flat against the stone ground, brow furrowed. The magic was fragile here. Her mother's magic had allowed Raven to teleport herself into her own mind rather than Arella's, probably because Arella was dead, but it was an unstable maneuver at best. Arella's magic wasn't strong enough to withstand such treatment for long. Carefully and with great concentration on holding her environment together, Raven rose again and started walking. Her emotions, as she expected, were absent, no doubt tending to her body to keep her fingers from falling off and other such little things. Raven hardly minded. The last thing she needed was Joy bouncing around like an idiot when she was trying to concentrate.

When Raven arrived at the exit portal at the end of Nevermore, she stopped a fair distance away so she wouldn't get sucked in. This was where things would get really tricky. With a calming sigh, she raised her hands and tried to reach out to the magic around her, wielding it clumsily. The power that her mother had was nothing like her own. Raven's was precise and under strict control, snapping into a solid shape at Raven's whim. Arella's, however, was fluid and free-flowing, shifting around without a care as to its shape. When Raven tried to confine it, it merely slipped through the cracks of her control. She gritted her teeth and took a deep breath, grabbing the magic and ruthlessly folding it into the spell she needed. Obviously, a different form of control than Raven's was needed to wield this strange power, but Raven didn't have the time to learn what that control was.

The image around her shook violently, but after a timeless moment where Raven feared she'd pushed too hard, the exit portal changed from the soft, pulsing white that it had been into a black hole shot through with brilliant streaks of red.

Excitement rose in her as she entered the portal, feeling a familiar magic pick her up and whisk her away.

She was going home.

Around her, the darkness began to blur into splotches of color that spilled like ink around her, mixing and swirling in indefinable patterns. Then, definite shapes took form and settled in one space, and finally, her room emerged around her. She didn't dare move as her eyes darted from one end of the room to the other before her eyes lit. She was home. This was her home.

Relief washed over her as she walked to her door. Her body was still in the hospital ward, and until her spirit entered it, the two pieces of her whole would remain separate. She reached for the door handle…and suddenly felt herself literally falling apart, melting into the carpeting. With a cry of surprise, she leaped backwards and watched as sparks of white snapped where she was missing pieces of her limbs, making her whole again. Her eyebrows came together as she looked behind her and found herself connected to a white cord of magic that streamed through the glass in her mirror. When Raven went to grab the mirror to take it with her, her hand phased right through it. Only then did she realize that she was mostly intangible and semi-transparent. Her feet were actually two inches off of the floor.

Raven sighed and let all of her weight fall on one leg in disappointment. She was so close, but there was nothing she could do. Magic was magic, and this magic was clearly telling her that this was not an appropriate back door. It was ironic, really; even cheating death had rules. Unbidden, an image of a man wrapped in paper, presenting her a rose with words printed on the petals sprung into her mind. She could not leave her mirror, and her mirror couldn't leave her room. Which was probably for the best; no doubt one of her father's spies would have noticed Raven walking around the Tower before she could be completely restored to her body.

With a sigh, she took in the familiar sight of her own room. Even if she couldn't leave just yet, it didn't matter. Just being back in the Tower took a big weight off of her shoulders. She walked around her room, dragging ghostly fingertips against objects she couldn't really feel but imagined that she could. She smiled down at the picture of her mother on her desk, still unframed from when she'd broken the glass. A glance at her clock told her it was early morning. No doubt Cyborg or Beast Boy was making breakfast this very second, unaware of her presence in their midst. She wished she could safely talk to one of her team members. The book was her only hope.

Suddenly, her back erupted in fiery agony, and she gave a strangled shout of pain. Her hand clamped down against the small of her back, trying to relieve the intensity of the burning. She dropped to a knee, breathing heavily, and heard a noise.

She raised her head just before her mother's magic dragged her back into Hell, and gasped as she vanished from existence.

***

Robin stopped dead in the hallway as he passed Raven's room.

Someone was in there.

Quick as lightning, Robin pulled a birdrang from his belt and entered the keycode to get into the room. The door whooshed back and he leaped inside, ready for battle, but only saw a sight that made his blood run cold.

Raven was kneeling in the middle of the floor, a hand pressed against her back, and a look of shock on her face at his entrance.

And then she was gone. Her mirror flashed once with pristinely white light before fading back into a regular reflection. Robin shook his head and opened his eyes wider, but there was nothing else to see. He dropped the birdrang, crossed to the mirror, and inspected it closely with no results. She simply wasn't there.

With a troubled sigh, he sank onto Raven's bed. It'd been so long…he thought he was moving on, but his brief hallucination told him otherwise. He held his head in his hands, staring at the door that had closed behind him before shifting his gaze to the innocent, if creepy, mirror again. If he wasn't mistaken, that was the mirror into her mind. He'd always meant to ask her about it…

Suddenly, he started and looked around him. Raven's bed. _He was sitting on Raven's bed._ Guilt settled over his shoulders, so misplaced because she was gone but so natural because he knew how she would react, and he leaped to his feet. He was unable to believe how easily he'd broken an age-old taboo in Titan's Tower. Even being in her _room _was taboo!

However, when Robin looked back down at the navy blue comforter and the spot where his weight had rumpled it, the guilt gave way to curiosity. No one was watching. No one would notice. And what was a little weakness every now and then? After all, it wasn't as though Raven was going to come back and give him an earful.

He turned around so that he was facing the door and before he could change his mind, fell back into Raven's bed, her downy soft pillows letting his head sink down to the mattress beneath. Her unique smell assaulted his nose, giving him comfort and pain all at once, neither of which he felt obliged to stop. A smile touched his lips as he rearranged the pillows to prop his head up and breathed deeply, imprinting her smell into his memory. He felt like a naughty child getting away with cussing.

Robin wasn't sure how long he lay there, encompassing himself into Raven's world. It felt nice to be in a place that was so…_her. _He and everyone else had avoided this room, not wanting to deal with the pain of being in her space, but it was a surprisingly comforting experience. He closed his eyes, content to merely exist.

***

Raven grunted as she was thrown back onto her bed in the palace with so much force that the wind was knocked from her. Arella's magic had found supporting Raven in such a setting as too much and had rejected her violently. It took Raven precious minutes to regain her wind, for there had been someone in her room that could aid in the search of her book, and she didn't want him to leave before she could talk to him.

Once she could breathe, she went about the laborious process of engulfing herself in her mother's magic once more and reentering the mirror. It was harder this time around; her mental strength was seriously drained. Nevertheless, she pushed her way through the barriers and sprinted to the end of Nevermore. Forcing the portal nearly made her lose the magic a second time, but she persevered through sheer willpower and stepped through to her bedroom. Slowly, painfully slowly, her room materialized again with one major difference.

A certain Boy Wonder was flopped languorously across her bed, as easily as if he belonged there. She crossed her arms and shook her head in a sort of tolerant affection. Any other person, she would have shouted out of sheer reflex, but this person in her bed just made her heart beat faster. Irritably, she pushed the feelings down. She never asked to be attracted to Robin. It just…happened. And she wished it would unhappen. It made her life more difficult than it needed to be. Pushing as many thoughts about how handsome he was flopped all over her blankets out of her head, she cleared her throat.

"Dare I ask how this happened?" she asked. Robin started and sat straight up in her bed, staring at her in shock. Then, to her surprise, he lowered his head into his hands and shook it.

"I need serious help," he muttered. Raven raised an eyebrow.

"I promise I'm not a hallucination."

"That's what you would say even if you were," Robin replied, trying to avoid looking at her. Raven sighed.

"I realize this is unconventional, but truly, it was a failed attempt at getting around my father's hold on me," she said, sitting on the edge of her bed. How funny it was that she felt like she was invading his personal space when _he _was the one in _her _room.

"Wait, what?" Robin asked, his face puzzled as he looked up at her. Raven explained the situation calmly, but Robin only looked more frazzled when she reached the end of her tale.

"No, this is _not _happening," he said, scrambling off the bed. "You're…you're _dead_. Nothing changes that! People don't just…come back when they please!"

"'People' aren't the Princess of Hell. I have certain advantages," Raven replied, a little amused by his outburst. Then, to her surprise, he took a step forward and reached a hand out to her. Raven held very still as he tried to touch her shoulder, only to have his hand slip through her collarbones and out the other shoulder. A look of dismay crossed his face before he met her eyes again.

"This is…unbelievable," he said, almost to himself. Then he smiled at her. "Maybe now Starfire will stop obsessing over your body."

"No," Raven said firmly. "No one else can know."

"What? Why?" Robin asked, his smile disappearing. "Your friends have a right—"

"You're all under watch," Raven warned him. "My father has spies crawling all outside this building. Spies from Hell that no Titan is a match for. If he thinks something is suspicious, he'll kill you. All of you. The fewer people involved, the better." Robin shook his head and sat on the floor. Raven knelt in front of him.

"I need your help," she said to him, hoping to break through his reverie. He looked up at her.

"Of course, anything," he said quickly, as though surprised this were happening. Raven figured that he'd think he dreamed it up in the morning.

"There was a book downstairs, a big one. I was going to read it the day I died. I need you to bring it here. It's very important," she said. Robin's eyes went wide, and he stood. Raven didn't take that as a good sign. "You _do _still have it, don't you?" she asked.

"Well…" he muttered. "Things were sort of hectic. Starfire took it when she saw it and I have a bit of a feeling it might be…well, I don't know." Raven sighed, massaging her temples. Starfire had thinking places on other planets. For all she knew, it was halfway across the galaxy by now.

"I need it," she told him. "Get it back, or I'm stuck here." Robin nodded and rose to his feet.

"I'll talk to her about it today," he said. Raven rose and smiled at him.

"Thank you, Robin," she said softly.

"Will you be back soon?" he inquired. Raven shrugged.

"This is fragile magic. I don't want to break the connection before I get the book. I'll be back next week," she told him. "Exactly. Good luck."

Even though that would have been an adequate good-bye, Raven couldn't bring herself to leave. So she stood her ground, merely staring into Robin's masked eyes, wishing she could tell him something more, something meaningful, but thinking of nothing that he wouldn't find strange. He stood before her, so near, so casual in jeans and a band T-shirt with that damn mask he always wore, yet so unmistakably untouchable. She couldn't remember the last time they'd been alone together, and now, life itself separated them. He was also silent as the grave, staring back at her, tangibly there, not gone forever.

Finally, she took a deep breath and nodded, back towards the mirror.

"Good luck," she said again, laying a hand against the cold glass, the only thing in her room she could feel, and trying to keep her voice from shaking.

"We miss you," he told her. She could tell he meant it. She only looked at him, not trusting herself to speak, before nodding once and pressing her fingers through the mirror.

The magic pulled her back within Nevermore, ready to give her up to Hell once more.

***

All she could do was stare. Robin couldn't help doing the same. There she was, honestly there, not a hallucination but really there. An arm's length away, even. He would have loved nothing more than to just touch her to ensure that she was real, but a soul had no tangibility. She wasn't tall, but her majesty and poise were unmistakable. Robin felt like he was looking at a queen of a realm he didn't understand rather than a friend he'd known for years and years. It was almost as though he should drop to his knees and kiss the ground before her feet.

"Good luck," she finally said, backing to the mirror.

"We missed you," he blurted out. Robin wished he could express just how much they missed her, how hard it'd been on everyone that she was gone, but words wouldn't describe it. By the look in her eyes after the statement, he knew she understood. It didn't escape his notice that her hair was getting lifeless, her eyes were deep in shadow, and her collarbones jutted out sharply. She nodded once before pressing her fingers into the mirror, and then she was gone.

It nearly broke his heart again to see her go.

But she was okay. She was coming back. No matter what happened, Raven was coming home. They would be a team again, and everything would go back to normal. He could push away the guilt he felt over her death, because she would tell him with a voice that would make him feel stupid that it obviously wasn't his fault. Starfire would stop crying, Beast Boy would stop moping, Cyborg would stop working, and he would stop hating himself, and everything would be okay.

He turned after a moment and left the room to go and look for Starfire, but found quickly that she wasn't there. With a sigh, he threw himself down on the couch and began to aimlessly flip through channels, waiting for her to return.

***  
Starfire, however, had no intention of returning for quite some time.

After Beast Boy had made her cry and Robin had let him, Star had flown from her home to the ocean to have herself a good cry alone. Everything had changed when Raven had died, just like everything had changed when she'd been thrown into the future and the team had been ripped apart. It seemed that without one member, everything fell apart.

And Robin. He'd proven time and again that he was reliable, but when push came to shove, he just didn't know what to do. Hell, Starfire didn't know what to do to make herself feel better. She hadn't even been this devastated when her pet zlorfglat had passed away a day before she was due to have babies. But Robin, who had always known what to do, just ignored her, now.

She looked up at the stars above her, idly naming which ones were planets. She'd flown to the ocean to the east and was curled on a rock, chin on her knees. The night was soothing, as was the sound of the ocean.

Tears rolled down her face anew as an image of Raven lying in a pool of her own blood suddenly leaped into her mind. Her nightmares were getting worse, but she just couldn't tell anyone. They were too personal. They hurt her too much to verbalize, and everyone else was already too devastated about Raven's death to hear about the ghastly images her mind created. Quiet sobs worked their way out of her throat as she tried and failed to push the pictures away when a hand suddenly came down on her shoulder.

"Starfire?"

A/N: Who's touching Starfire?!?! WAH! *giggles* Kidding, you'll like it. R&R, as always, and thanks so much to all of my readers who aren't reviewing but are devoted to the story, anyway! I appreciate all of you just as much. We'll maybe see Chapter Five by the end of next week. Peace out!


	5. Losing Ground

Whoo, I'm back, and I'm officially gradutated! Uh, gradiated! Um...whatever. Anyways, we've got more drama and thickening plots in the wings, so...onward! Remember, R&R, or maybe just R, but either way, enjoy! ^.^

By the way, I love all of you who alerted or favorited my story. You guys are as great as my faithful reviewers! ^.^

Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans.

Chapter Five: Losing Ground

Starfire whirled in surprise, yanking away from the grasp of the hand out of reflex. A split second later, she relaxed, recognizing the long black hair and blue wetsuit.

"Good evening," she said, hastily wiping tears from her face. "I am sorry that I am like this. I did not know you were there." Aqualad shrugged easily as he sat next to her on the rock.

"It's alright. I wouldn't be in very good shape if I lost a teammate, either," he said, putting a strong arm around her shoulders and squeezing her comfortingly. "How's everyone holding up?"

"Holding…up?" Starfire asked, confusion momentarily distracting her from distress. "We hold nothing."

"It's an expression. I meant how is everyone doing?" Aqualad corrected with a smile.

"Oh," Starfire said, looking out at the ocean again. "I do not know. We are all very distraught. Robin has informed the law enforcement officers that we will be back at the end of this month, but I do not feel any different now than I did before, nor will I."

"It's hard, to lose a friend. Harder still when the person is more than just a mere friend. But we have to be able to stand up again and move on eventually," Aqualad said, patting her shoulder.

"I cannot! Raven is dead, and somebody should be affected! I cannot act as though I am not!" Starfire snapped. Aqualad put his arm around her shoulders again, completely unperturbed by her outburst. She didn't shove him away out of sheer politeness, feeling uncomfortable at reacting so violently at one she was not so close to as her peers back at the Tower.

But she wanted to. Badly. How could he ever understand?

"Just because you can still live doesn't mean you aren't affected. I never could crack Raven's shell—it seemed only those who lived with her were capable of that—but I highly doubt she'd want you to break down. Get revenge, live for her, do something other than fall apart for her. How do you think she'd feel if _you _died of a broken heart?" Aqualad asked. Starfire set her chin on her knees, clamping her mouth shut firmly. He squeezed her again and smiled. "I can see that you aren't very easy to comfort. Why else would you be out here in the middle of the night?" Starfire opened her mouth to snap, but when she met his eyes, the gentle smile disarmed her anger.

Perhaps it was because he wasn't really obliged to care that his words affected her.

Or perhaps she was simply tired of fighting.

"I am afraid that my teammates do not quite understand why I act as I do. I believe my mourning scares them," she admitted quietly. Aqualad nodded as he retracted his arm.

"Most males are afraid of crying females, but I, fortunately, was never one of them," he told her frankly. "Why don't you take a vacation? You have until the end of the month. That's a good three weeks or so."

"But where shall I go?" Starfire asked. "I do not know this planet, but I cannot visit others. I must remain close in case of an emergency, yet I do not want to be bothered. I…wish for solitude."

"Stay with us," Aqualad suggested simply. "Leave a note telling the guys you're safe and you'll be back at the end of the month. Bee's got some spare clothes you can wear during your stay. We're still on active duty, so you'll have plenty of time to yourself."

"Titan's East will be the first place they think to search," Starfire retorted.

"Not if you put in your note that you went to some galaxy or another. That way, they won't hunt for you, and if there _is _some kind of emergency, you'll be close at hand," Aqualad suggested.

"I do not wish to lie," Starfire murmured uncomfortably. Aqualad got off the rock and stood in front of her, forcing her to look up at him.

"I think you need some time to yourself. If they're real friends, they'll understand," he told her seriously. Starfire found herself caught in the intensity of his gaze for a moment before a small smile broke her melancholy face.

Just a small one.

"I accept your idea."

When Starfire returned to the Tower later that night to write her note, Robin was asleep on the couch. His hands lay limp, palms up and the remote resting gently in his loose grasp. His head was rolled back, supported by the back of the couch, and he was snoring softly. The mask he always wore slipped halfway up his forehead, revealing black lashes fluttering in sleep. Starfire smiled tenderly at the sight of him so relaxed and careless.

Quickly, she scrawled out her silent declaration on a scrap piece of paper and left it on the counter before flying over to her slumbering boyfriend. An urge to touch him rose within her, but she quelled it, knowing the slightest touch would wake him. Holding her hair back, she ghosted the gentlest kiss across his soft-in-sleep cheek, which only made him mumble.

"Rae…" he muttered, almost incoherently. Tears sprang to Starfire's eyes as a stab of pain shot through her chest.

Even in his sleep, he was dying from guilt.

Fighting the sob that rose to her throat and the ghastly images that accompanied her pain, she flew through the wide-open window, making a beeline to Titan's East.

"Dear friends: I have decided that I am in need of the vacation to the Solar Nebula of the Gratchnik Galaxy until we are to go back into battle once more. Rest assured that I am very safe and will joyfully return to you in twenty-one days. I apologize from my quite sudden departure, but I require time to do The Thinking. With love, Starfire," Cyborg read dubiously from a crumpled sheet of paper on the counter. "Think it's a trap?"

"Nah. That's definitely her crappy handwriting," Beast Boy said, examining the note. "See that weirdo, choppy loop in her 'g's? That's definitely hers. Besides, Star could take anyone in a fight right now."

"Or nobody," Cyborg said quietly as Robin walked into the room.

"Where's Star?" he asked urgently. "She was supposed to be back hours ago."

"Went on a spontaneous vacation to the Solar Nebula, apparently," Cyborg answered.

"What?" Robin demanded angrily, snatching the note. "For how long?"

"Few weeks. What's gotten into you?" Beast Boy asked suspiciously. Robin glared at the note for a second before sighing irritably and putting it on the counter.

"Nothing," he replied shortly, eyeing the windows mistrustfully. "Nothing at all." With that, he stalked out of the kitchen, and Cyborg and Beast Boy could only shrug at each other, at a loss for explanation.

The week passed as slow as dirt, as far as Raven was concerned. The mirror tempted her from its place on her vanity, beckoning her to use its power once again, just to be back in her own room for a few precious minutes. She resisted the urge stubbornly. If she broke the magic too soon, she really _would _be stuck in Hell forever.

In the meantime, there wasn't really a whole lot to do. Dinner with her father every evening actually served to counteract her ineffable boredom, and she'd taken to wandering the palace, exploring old nooks and crannies. Unfortunately, this meant numerous encounters with her least-favorite sibling, Ciaran.

"We have to stop meeting like this," he said one evening. Raven could finally use the mirror that night, and it was almost unbearable to make herself wait.

"Get away from me," she said, turning the pages in a musty old volume she'd found stashed in a drawer in a spare bedroom, idly reviewing its contents.

"That's no way to treat your brother," he replied, leaning casually in the doorframe. "That's a lovely shirt, by the way." Raven peeked down at the shirt, noting that it was indeed rather low-cut. She shrugged it off; a shirt was a shirt.

"Fortunately for me, your favorable interest in my wardrobe doesn't really affect my overall disgust of you," she retorted, flipping to the front of the book and running her finger down the table of contents. From the looks of things, this book was an ancient book of magic. Unfortunately, it also seemed to impart only a basic knowledge of demonology spells. Entirely uninteresting. She threw the book back in the drawer and shut it, already having forgotten the tome. She went to the door of the room, but Ciaran shifted so that the only way Raven could escape would be squeezing through the tight space between his hip and the doorframe.

"Move," she said irritably.

"Hm. Shan't," he replied, examining his nails. "You've plenty of room."

"If I were Nocturne," Raven said, naming a very tall and slender demoness that liked to parade her lovely figure about the palace regularly.

"You are sexier than Nocturne. Bigger tits, too," Ciaran replied, looking down at Raven's cleavage pointedly. Raven scowled and pushed his shoulder, hoping to knock him out of the way.

Fast as lightning, Ciaran grabbed her wrist and slammed her against the doorframe, sending sharp pain shooting down her spine.

"Let go of me," she hissed at him. Rather than answer, he tossed her into the bedroom with supreme ease and slammed the door behind the two of them, locking it. In the next instant, he was straddling her stomach, rough hands on the hem of her shirt.

Her own heartbeat was deafening as solid panic suddenly froze her. Time slowed.

Then, finally, sweet instinct kicked in, and she grabbed his right wrist with her left hand, pulled him down across her chest, and kicked her legs up, sending the demon flying over her head to collide loudly with the bed behind her. With a snarl, she sat up and spun herself on her rump, sending a very angry foot into Ciaran's jaw. He scrambled to his feet and placed a well-aimed kick into her ribs, knocking the air out of her. Raven coughed and forced herself to her feet, already warding off surprisingly controlled blows. Someone had taught Ciaran how to fight, and fight well. Their flurried tussle lasted mere moments, with both of them landing several decent blows.

Finally, Raven got him on the ground with an arm twisted behind his back. Sweat dripped down her forehead, and her breath came shakily.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" she demanded. To her amazed surprise, Ciaran laughed.

"Areno and I had a bet. He thought you couldn't take me down without your precious, filthy Azarian powers, and you, my lovely sister, just won me ten thousand gold pieces," he said gleefully. Raven scowled, and with a huff, released his arm, kicked him in the stomach for good measure, and stormed from the room.

Suddenly, as she rounded a corner, her eyes went wide in shock, and she raised a hand to her mouth.

She, Raven, didn't _do _angry outbursts. Or panic, for that matter. What had gotten into her, to make her lose control?

With a worried frown, she hurried to her room, Ciaran forgotten, and settled on her bed. Even if she didn't have her powers, she had to remember that once she returned to Earth, her emotions would start to matter again.

Suddenly, memories flashed through her head, quick and fleeting, showing her pictures of her with the Titans. Beast Boy's smiling face blinded her, Starfire's laugh rung in her ears, and she could smell gasoline. Then, she felt herself drowning in someone's arms with feathered kisses on her neck.

Her senses choked her.

A woman appeared from thin air at the foot of Raven's bed, smiling imperially. Raven scrambled backwards, making the woman's smile deepen into wickedness. Raven's first reaction was to leap off the bed and launch into battle, but something strange made her stop. The woman wasn't very tall, with a black dress and a malicious twinkle in her eye. Her _violet _eye.

_I'm looking at…myself?_

_"Embrace me," _the twisted reflection whispered, bending to crawl over the bed towards the real Raven. The doppelganger extended her neck as far as it would reach, drawing nearer and nearer to Raven's face. Their breaths mingled for a mere moment…and then she was gone.

Raven collapsed backwards onto her pillows, clutching her hair as her emotions ran rampant through her brain. No matter how she tried to check them, they overpowered her, swamping her with raw feeling. A terrible, metallic taste rose in her mouth as a personality she didn't recognize rocked her mind, trying to break her down.

"Something's wrong with me," she whispered.

Raven's calmed her mind by sheer willpower, which took her hours. The following dinner with her father was silent and strained, as usual, and then she was free to use the mirror. Thankfully, whatever was wrong with her mind would be restored once she returned to her body. Her emotions and her powers would help her take care of it.

The transition into Nevermore drained her more than ever. The fight with Ciaran had left her sore and achy, and her mind was still scattered from her eerie episode earlier that day. Doggedly, she trudged through Nevermore, her feet feeling like they weighed a thousand pounds each.

She was alone when she stepped through the portal to her room. With a grateful sigh, she sunk down, sitting on the invisible plane of air that seemed to support her ghostly self. At least Robin would have her book, and she'd be able to leave Hell within the next hour. The thought brought her significant cheer.

When the door to her room whooshed open, she felt as though she should stand, but the energy escaped her.

"My God," Robin announced as he stepped into the room.

"Hello to you, too," she muttered wearily. Belatedly, she realized that he could probably see the damage Ciaran had done to her skin. Though the bruises were ugly, nothing was life-threatening.

"Who did this to you?" Robin demanded angrily, kneeling next to her and reaching out. His hands went straight through her arm, making his anger melt away. He met her eyes, looking almost guilty, before sitting back.

"Just some healthy sibling rivalry. Do you have my book?" Raven asked, unable to keep the hopeful tone from her voice. Robin's face fell, and the swell of expectancy in Raven's chest deflated miserably. She sighed and flopped back on the floor, missing the look of confusion and shock on Robin's face.

"Um…are you alright?" he asked, obviously perplexed. Raven realized that she was acting odd, but couldn't seem to muster enough care to fill a thimble.

"Just a little tired," she replied vaguely.

"You seem…different," he noted hesitantly. Raven smiled mirthlessly.

"So you noticed?" she asked sardonically. She put her hands on her forehead and pressed the heels of them into her skull, kneading the skin. "I don't really know what the hell's wrong with me. My half-brother attacked me today, and first I panicked, then freaked out at him. All things I don't usually do. I mean, Christ, Robin, I don't know if I'm going crazy or if something else is going on, and—" Raven realized that she was rambling, something quite unlike her, and she shut her mouth firmly. She had to get herself under control.

"And what?" Robin prompted. Raven shook her head and sat up again, giving him a piercing glare. She opened her mouth to say something soothing or snippy, but the words never came.

Her emotions swelled again, easily breaking through the iron walls and decimating her mind. Her face fell, and she looked up at the man before her.

"Something's…changed, inside me," she whispered. "I can't control it. I can't control anything anymore." Her eyes widened. "You have to help me. Something's wrong with me, and I can't do anything about it." He stared at her, the shock plain in his face, and she leaned forward desperately.

"You have to help me, Ciaran!"

Her eyes were wild and terrified, and that, in turn, scared Robin. Raven was never afraid, save for the one time she nearly destroyed Titan's Tower. Even then, she hadn't been this intensely terrified.

And who in the hell was Ciaran?

"Raven, it's Robin," he said slowly, trying to make sense of things and failing miserably. Something was indeed wrong with Raven. She was talking too much, and more importantly, _feeling _too much.

"I'm desperate, Ciaran, take the throne, take it! I don't want it! It's changing me…It's turning me into—" Suddenly, Raven stopped speaking, and her eyes unfocused before fixing on him again, this time sharp. She rose to her feet, regal and towering.

"Raven, what's wrong?" Robin asked, looking up at her. One elegant eyebrow rose.

"That's High Princess to you, _mortal_," she said, throwing the word at him like an insult.

It cut his heart deeply.

"I thought you were coming home," he said softly.

She stared at him, her eyes hard, before they softened and she collapsed.

"Raven!" Robin cried, reaching for her and only meeting air. She raised her head to look at him, and gave him a half-smile. Her eyes took on their usual mystery, and Raven became the woman he'd grown up with once more.

"Robin, did you get my book?" she asked, her tone hopeful. Robin shook his head, disbelief in his eyes.

"What the hell just happened to you?" he demanded, finding his voice. Raven's brow furrowed just the slightest in confusion.

"I don't understand," she said slowly.

"First you're really chatty, then you're scared out of your wits, then you're some snotty High Princess! And you…don't remember?" he asked her. Raven's brow furrowed further and she looked away from him, obviously pondering something.

Suddenly, her eyes widened, and it wasn't because joyful enlightenment. There was _rage _in those eyes.

"That bastard," she hissed at the empty air. Her gaze rose to meet Robin's, and he fought the urge to cringe back before she looked away again in angry contemplation.

"What's happening to you?" he asked her.

"I _knew_ he was up to something," she muttered to herself, completely ignoring his question.

"Raven, tell me what's going on," Robin demanded.

"Where's my book?" she asked slowly.

"I don't know. Starfire's gone. She won't be back for two weeks yet, and I don't know where to even begin looking for it," he told her. Raven stared at the wall behind him, and soon began slowly shaking her head.

"That's too long," she finally murmured.

"Too long for what? What happens in two weeks?" Robin asked urgently. She finally looked at him, and there was a haunted look in the violet depths of her eyes. An involuntary shiver ran down Robin's spine.

"I'll forget all about you."

A/N: Oh, noes! Raven's got an alter-ego, and they don't like each other! *gasp* Oh, and Ciaran's got such a naughty mouth, sometimes...


	6. The Things We Want

I…am a delinquent writer. XD I apologize for my tardiness, FF. I finally got enough story favorites that it guilted me into another chapter. As always, read and enjoy, and to my readers from whom I hear nary a whisper in the reviews, I appreciate you just as much. :) You guys are like my ninja fans.

Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans.

* * *

The Things We Want

Raven allowed Arella's magic to drag her back to Hell, anger swirling around her chest in a furious cyclone. Whatever he'd done to her, it explained everything; she'd been feeling too much, seeing things that weren't there, and most importantly, forgetting. The rage in her was sweet and satisfying, fueling her onward with a reckless drive so unlike her controlled self.

_Embrace me, _her traitorous mind whispered as she held the mirror up to peer at her own reflection. The face in the glass smiled back at her. Violet hair was swept up in curls and pins with a handsome onyx crown resting across her brow. The smile was dark, pointed, malicious. _I am all you need, now._

"No," Raven hissed at the reflection, hiding the mirror beneath her pillow once more. She rose from the bed and stormed out of her room, whisking through the halls of Hell with fury at her heels. The doors to Trigon's suites didn't stand a chance when she threw them open and walked in.

"What have you done to me?" she shrieked in a voice loud enough to stop the entire palace in its tracks.

"Ah, there's the demoness we all know and love," Trigon replied easily from his place at the window. His many eyes narrowed with his smile as he took in the High Princess of Hell.

"Reverse it! _Now!" _she hollered, riding on the back of the wrath. It was like a beast beneath her, hungry to devour everything in its path, and right now, Trigon was an ample target.

"That's it, Raven. Feed that anger. Nurture it," Trigon insisted silkily. Raven let out a battle cry and stormed forward, fist pulled back. Before she'd taken more than three or four steps, Trigon lifted a hand to blast her backwards, out through the suite doors and into a suit of armor. There was a loud clang, and Raven heard the whispers of the other palace residents from each end of the hall, could see out of the corner of her eyes their heads peeking around the corners to witness the battle of wills. Raven picked herself up off of the ground and roared again, throwing herself back into the room. The doors slammed shut behind her, closing out the prying eyes, only to have her pinned against the wood by forces unseen. Trigon's dark smile tempted her fists as she struggled and kicked, physically aching to pound him into the floor.

"That's my girl," he whispered. Raven glared daggers at the demon before closing her eyes and taking great, heaving breaths through her nose. Calming the wildness inside of her seemed like a foolish, mocking sham to her at first, an attempt to do the impossible, but after a few moments, the control began to creep back, like a frightened dog returning warily to the master who had just kicked it. Raven coaxed and crooned it to her for several long moments, firmly putting the rage on a leash and reining it in. She opened her eyes when she felt she could look at her father without losing herself again.

"What have you done?" she asked. A slight tremor was in her words; she hated herself for it.

"Erasing that cursed Azarian influence. It's what holds you back from your true potential; take away that ridiculous pacifism and those chatty little emotions that whisper of peace in your ear, and I'll be left with only a marvelous goddess who worships the violence within herself. You've walked a mighty fine line, dear Raven, but it seems that even the push of destiny didn't throw you off of it. Take away one side of the line, however, and suddenly, only one choice remains. Giving you a memory suppressant should rid those despicable mortals you call friends from your mind, and with enough reinforcement from me, you'll never remember anything but war and ruling and delicious violence. You'll be a thing of beauty, little bird; a masterpiece," Trigon explained.

Raven's lip curled in a sneer. It certainly explained all of her questions. Her hallucinations were her demonic attributes, fighting for dominance. Despite Raven's demonic heritage and general _lack_ of pacifism, she still essentially embodied the Azarian part within her; she fought to obtain the peace, as it were. On the other hand, experiences built a person's personality, and if Trigon could successfully fudge enough of her past, Raven would begin expressing different personality traits.

She'd heard of memory spells, of course, but they were a risky business, dependent upon a lack of triggers for a very long time. Even though the chances were impossibly slim, someone who had functioned under a memory-altering spell for years could break free. There were no memories of the Titans here, no matter how hard she looked. The manifestations of her emotions were the only things that would help her destroy the preliminary spell before it could really root itself into her brain, and they were still unwittingly back on the Jump City plane, tending to a body to keep it safe for her return. For a moment, her spirits lifted; once she forgot her home, her ties to it would bring her emotions back to her, breaking the spells Trigon had spent so much time on.

"This is a fool's errand," she said with a savage grin.

"Hardly. Do you think it's because you want to go _home _that you're powers are taking such wonderful care of that meat bag you prance around in?" he asked mockingly. "It's nothing so valiant. You simply need to believe that you're _alive."_ Raven's smile wilted into a scowl; as a ruling entity, there'd be no reason for her to believe otherwise, but if she forced herself to accept her death in order to preserve her mind, she'd have no anchor in the mortal realm to return to, which would also effectively trap her in Hell. Unlike other transdimensional travelers that escaped from Hell, she refused to wrest control from another person's body to live, and Trigon knew it.

He had her.

"Release me," she commanded coldly. Slowly, she slid down the wall before being set gently on her feet. Without wasting a moment, she whipped the door open and left the room. Ignoring the demonic court on all sides of her, whispers and gossip on their lips, she marched back to her room, slammed the door, and sat cross-legged on the bed. She'd meditate solid for the next fourteen days, if she had to. It was the only thing she could think of doing to slow the change for as long as necessary.

"Please, Star, pull through for me," she whispered. She leaned back against the headboard, lay her hands against her knees, and closed her eyes.

* * *

"Thank you for allowing me to remain here in my time of trial," Starfire said gratefully as Bee led her into one of the many spare rooms in the Titans East building. Though this was one of the rooms absent of honeycomb, the smell of it was rich throughout the halls. Starfire could certainly get used to the scent; perhaps when she left, Bee would make her some candles as souvenirs to burn in her room.

"What are friends for?" Bee asked brightly. "You need a change of scenery."

"Indeed," Starfire agreed, sitting slowly on the bed and looking around. It was clear that a distinct woman's touch existed in the building; Bee was feminine _and _versed in the ways of Earth's design. The color scheme was mute, with mixes of greens and browns. It was very natural and soothing to the Tameranian. Bee retreated from the room for a few minutes, and returned with a big basket of clothes.

"I didn't have time to fold them and put them away, I'm afraid, but here's a wardrobe," the other woman apologized. Star smiled her thanks, and Bee left her for a second time.

Star simply sat on the comforter for several hours, legs folded beneath her as she stared glumly at the wall. It took her awhile to remember that no one was going to harass her; any human contact would have to be initiated by her. For a moment, she felt put out, but then realized that the pointed avoidance was truly kinder for everyone involved. She worked herself out of her funk and rose to dig through the basket. Bee had filled it with comfortable cotton sweatpants, tank tops, and other such low-key clothing in a variety of colors. Star selected some purple Capri sweats, a black muscle shirt that smelled suspiciously of a man's cologne (and reminded her of Robin), and some knee-high black socks, and changed. She wiggled her stocking toes, reveling in the comfort. Nothing in her wardrobe was so casual; her frequent shopping trips usually yielded very colorful and vibrant casualwear that, once Star really thought about it, wasn't that casual.

She trotted from her room, resolving to wander Titans' East Tower. It was a short wander; the floor plan was identical to the Jump City Tower. Her feet took her to the training and weight room, where she paused with interest.

Ordinarily, Starfire didn't train in the training room. She had superhuman strength, and ordinary human equipment couldn't stand up to her. It seemed, however, that the Titans East weight and training rooms were outfitted much differently. The thing that Starfire took the most noticed of was a strange contraption that stood on a wheel platform. It was a room on wheels, big enough for only one person, with eight large panels for walls. The inner wall was coating with a foot of a strange gel that was firm to Star's touch. The device intrigued her.

"It's for Mas y Menos, once they're old enough," a voice said, startling Starfire. She whirled, and Speedy was leaning in the doorway of the training room, watching her.

"Speedy! I apologize, I did not know anyone—"

"I was just passing though. You can feel free to test it out; it's ultra-reinforced. Those two can generate a lot of force behind a punch because they're so fast, and they need something that won't break. The gel is self-healing and designed to offer just enough resistance to make training with it worthwhile. The panels rotate, as well; it tricks the brain into making the body rotate with one particular panel, which makes it more effective. We're still working on the design, but if it can stand up to you, it'll stand up to the boys," he explained. "Controls are on the inside. Bee said dinner will be ready in a couple of hours, should you want to join us." Starfire smiled at the man, who gave her a lazy salute and left her.

After fiddling with the controls, Star got the room to act as it was supposed to, and after a few punches, she was hooked. She wailed on the panels with all her strength, but to no avail. It surprised her when she started to feel tired; she hadn't realized she'd gotten so involved with the machine. As her anger and stress melted away, she understood why Robin was so obsessive about his own training regime.

Over an hour later, Star exited the room, feeling physically exhausted but mentally rejuvenated. She would have to acquire the plans; it was something she could definitely get used to. Without doing more than wiping her sweaty face on one of the towels in the room, she went into the expansive living room. A massive pool took up the entire middle area, where Aqualad lounged on the back of a very large manta ray, arguing good-naturedly with Bee about the rain.

"All I know is that when the rain pours, my wings get sopping wet. Can barely get an inch off the ground," the girl said snootily. "And you just remember that the next time the rain's pouring down and I can't rescue _your _sorry rear." Aqualad laughed, and noticed Starfire in the doorway.

"Look who's joined us for dinner," he announced.

"Oh, good, Speed _did _see you, then. It wouldn't do for you to lose weight you don't have. I can see you haven't been eating, by the way," Bee scolded, setting a very full plate of food on the bar. Starfire flushed, poked one of her (rather prominent) ribs, and meekly sat before the plate. "Did you like the training room? Nice, huh?"

"Starfire!" came a shout of two voices in stereo. Mas y Menos clapped their hands together and raced to her, gibbering in Spanish. She laughed awkwardly and nodded vigorously, pretending to understand before Bee shooed the children away.

"Babysitting is a pain, but they love their "parents," Bee said with a smile after them. "It's what drives them."

"We often speculated how difficult it would be to have a team with children," Star said thoughtfully.

"Yeah, it's hard not to worry about them, but they give _us _a run for our money. Bad guys don't stand a chance," Aqualad said, stepping off his manta ray onto dry land. He wore only a pair of swim trunks, and Bee produced a shirt from one of the kitchen drawers and threw it at him with a huff.

"How many times do I have to tell you to wear appropriate clothing when we have company?" she snipped at him.

"Yes, Mom," Aqualad retorted…but pulled the shirt on all the same. Starfire smiled into her plate; the exchange reminded her of Cyborg and Beast Boy, after a fashion.

Dinner wasn't quiet, but it also wasn't filled with awkward questions. Of course, Titans East had mourned the loss of a fellow Titan, but it simply wasn't close to home. The death shroud had left their shoulders long ago, and life had moved on. Starfire struggled between relief and irritation, but eventually settled on ignoring her feelings entirely. She'd come here for a vacation away from the gloom and doom. She might as well enjoy it. Titans East had the same floor plan as Titans Tower, but no memories infused the halls. Everything was wiped clean by the gentle scent of beeswax.

* * *

Robin spent the day ripping the Tower the shreds, looking for the book and alternating between the fragile hope of finding it and overwhelming irritation at Starfire for abandoning them without leaving a way to get hold of her. Irritation won more often than not. The searches were fruitless, no matter what he felt. When he vanished into Raven's room later that night, he had nothing to show for his effort. Raven was disappointed, of course; the conversation was depressing, at best. And very brief; she was having trouble controlling whatever demon was within her. Apparently, Trigon had finished doing whatever he had done to her, and all she had left to do was fight it as long as she could. The picture she painted was bleak and hopeless.

Robin slept on the floor of a strange, unused room that night, with the contents of a musty box scattered around him.


	7. Go For Broke

Wouldja look at that? Another chapter within the month! You guys had better be seriously proud of me.

Disclaimer: TT is no brainchild of mine.

Go For Broke

The days passed with lazy ease at Titans East. Starfire spent her time in the training room, meditating as Raven had taught her, and lounging in the pool to chat with the other team. Entertaining Mas y Menos burned her energy like nothing else could, Speed would train with her and they would talk of Tamaran, she and Bee shopped for casualwear of Starfire's own, and Aqualad taught her how to predict the weather with more reliability than meteorologists. Starfire was fascinated with the movements of fronts and cloud masses and what made lightning strike.

The first time it stormed hard at the Tower, she nearly keeled over in terror when Mas y Menos announced their desire to be lightning rods and tore upstairs to do just that. Aqualad took her up to the booth the team had set up on the roof that was guarded against the bolts and would allow the team to keep an eye on their young charges.

"It is very beautiful," Starfire said with a wistful sigh, trying to calm her pounding heart every time the deadly, gorgeous lightning would jag down from the sky to strike the boys.

"And very dangerous, as many things are," Aqualad replied. Starfire propped her chin in one hand and contented herself to watch the lightning dance with the boys like they were old friends. She smiled easily, forcing herself to relax. Mas y Menos were clearly enjoying themselves.

"The nightmares have ceased," she said spontaneously.

"Oh?" Aqualad replied noncommittally. She pondered this answer for a moment, but her usual rage did not appear, and rightly so. It was a good feeling, to be calm again.

"I think that I almost miss them. I am so tired from The Training that I do not dream," she explained. "I no longer see her face."

"Does it sadden you?" he inquired. Her mouth opened, but when she really thought about it, she was surprised to find herself unsure.

"It should, I believe, but perhaps not so much anymore," she finally conceded. "I feel guilty."

"Don't. Raven should be a positive force that drives you on, not a negative one that crushes you," he responded. "Take the boys, for instant. We could worry ourselves into the ground about them getting hurt, but rather, we use our desire for their safety to protect them and others. It accomplishes much more." Mas reached a hand as high as he could into the air, and the lightning struck, almost tenderly meeting the welcoming fingertips of the child. Menos held up his own hand, and the bolt leaped from Mas to Menos.

Starfire shivered as she watched the boys, the cold penetrating their haven, at which point Aqualad produced a blanket that he draped over both of their laps.

"It gets chilly up here," he said as he adjusted the corner over his feet. "But we can't leave them by themselves. Lord only knows what they'd do if they thought they could get away with it."

"I thank you for allowing me to watch. Though it may have taken some time for my heart to cease with its quick beating, I am finding it quite enjoyable," she said emphatically with a wide smile. Aqualad returned it.

"It's good to see your mood returning," he said. The two watched the boys until the storm moved on, with the children waving sadly to the cloud bank. After a few moments of wistful watching, they trooped downstairs without so much as a glance towards their overseers, completely consumed with misery of a good thing coming to an end, as children were wont to do. Starfire helped Aqualad fold the blanket and store it away. He opened the door for her to go back downstairs, gallantly holding out a hand.

"Do you need assistance, fine lady?" he teased. Starfire flushed as she took his hand.

"I thank you, good sir," she giggled shyly. He guided her down the first three steps before releasing her and following along, locking the door behind him. When they reached the base of the stairs, Starfire turned abruptly, causing the other man to run into her. She flushed and took a small step back to restore personal space before taking his hands.

"Truly, I thank you deeply for the beautiful experience, as well as everything else. I believe it is quite helpful," she said awkwardly. He squeezed her fingers in reassurance.

"I believe it is, too. You will be a new woman when you leave," he told her. He raised one of her hands to his mouth and ghosted a kiss across the back of her fingers. "But I shouldn't do that when you have a boyfriend," he amended thoughtfully. "I forgot." Starfire giggled.

"I am sure that Robin will not mind if it is only my hand," she told him with a pat on the hand that held hers. Suddenly, a large yawn overtook her, and she stretched. "But I must sleep. I am quite exhausted."

"You look it. See you in the morning," Aqualad said with a small wave as he eased past her and continued down the hall to his own quarters. Starfire smiled from ear to ear and went to her own room at a spry trot. She needed to take vacations more often. She let out a peal of laughter as she fondly remembered the time that she and Raven had first met Aqualad. They'd spent hours reiterating how attractive he was; the boys had had quite enough by the time they'd returned to their own Tower. He was charming, Star would definitely give him that. And he always knew what to say. Much like Robin used to, before he started blaming himself for everything. Her smile melted away, and she felt a pang of guilt; here she was, having fun while the rest of her team suffered. She sighed as she curled up in bed. Perhaps she should return home sooner than she'd envisioned. She had to learn how to cope while around her teammates. All the happiness in the world wouldn't help her if her friends couldn't be joyful with her.

"I will return home in a few days," she resolved. That would put her return at a week early. And they were surely worried. She could use her time to modify the weight room with one of Mas y Menos' reinforced designs. She fell asleep only after she stopped feeling guilty for her own healing.

* * *

The few days that Starfire had allotted to herself passed more quickly than she'd thought possible. It was with a twinge of regret that she packed her new clothes into a bag and slung it over her shoulder. The entire Titans East team had turned out to bid her farewell. Mas y Menos bawled for her to stay, but when that tactic was unsuccessful, they quieted to sniffles and hugged her before running out of the room to brood. Speedy supplied her with blueprints for some reinforced training equipment, and Bee swept her into a big hug.

"Visit us more often!" the woman admonished. Star smiled and nodded before Aqualad caught her hand up and kissed it; a joke he'd found great pleasure in continuing once he discovered that he could get a favorable response from her.

"I shall tell," Starfire teased. At first, his affection had been uncomfortable, but it quickly became clear that he was simply joking around to raise her spirits, and once she allowed it to do that, the teasing became mutual.

"You wouldn't," Aqualad retorted as he hugged her as well. "Bee is right. You should visit us more often. Everyone should. Titan vacation to Tahiti."

"I second!" Bee agreed heartily. Starfire pulled from Aqualad, thanking the entire team profusely again before, with a final wave and wail from the children, she took to the skies.

Returning to the Tower was depressing, to say the least. Star could physically feel the weight of the sorrow, but she fought it away. She'd felt so much lighter over the past couple of weeks that she simply _couldn't _feel so destroyed again. Getting so low again was too painful to consider.

"I'm hoooome!" she shouted as she entered to Tower. Cyborg and Beast Boy, who were furiously gaming on the couch, paused their game and rose. Upon seeing her smile, they visibly relaxed. Another pang of guilt hit Starfire; she'd put them through a lot. She resolved to cook them a meal later to apologize.

"Did you have a good vacation?" Beast Boy asked. "Did you get me a present?"

"Did you get _me _a present?" Cyborg cut in. Starfire laughed.

"I am home! Is that not present enough?" she asked gleefully. The boys visibly wilted, perked when they saw her set down her bag to rummage through it, and wilted again when she pulled out a sheaf of paper. She waved it at Cyborg.

"Here are some modifications to the weight room so that I may train, as well," she said. Cyborg took the sheet and looked at it thoughtfully as Beast Boy turned into a monkey and perched on the big man's shoulder to look at the plans.

"Starfire!"

The girl turned, a big smile on her face as opened her arms wide for a hug from Robin. Her arms drooped at the livid look on his face.

"What is the matter, my Robin?" she asked.

"What's the matter? _What's the matter? _You just up and vanished, didn't leave us any way to get hold of you, no warning, just fly the hell off to some galaxy in the middle of nowhere. What if we had needed you?" he demanded furiously.

"Robin, I was simply at Titans East. I just didn't want to be bothered," she said, surprised by his outburst. "If there had been an emergency, I would have been here very quickly to assist." She thought his eyes would pop out of his head, they got so wide.

"You were at _Titans East? _This whole time?" he asked, his voice filled with incredulous anger.

"Robin, chill. She's fine," Cyborg said. Robin glared at him, then glared at Starfire, his mouth working as though he had a great many things to say about the situation.

"Where is the book?" he finally demanded. Starfire frowned, hurt.

"What book?" she asked sullenly.

"Raven's book! The one she was reading the day she died!" he shouted at her, his words stabbing like hot knives.

"Dude, what is your deal?" Beast Boy asked irritably.

"It is in the hospital ward, tucked between the mattress and the bed of Raven's tomb!" Starfire snapped, her own anger catching up with her hurt. "It is so nice to have such a wonderful homecoming greeting from my boyfriend! I should have stayed at Titan's East!"

"No, you should have stayed here!" Robin snapped back. "You were needed _here!" _

"To tell you where one of Raven's numerous books is stashed away? You think that _my _obsession was unhealthy!"

"It was!"

"Who is obsessed now!"

"Look, I—" Robin started before waving an impatient hand at her and storming away. Starfire watched his back disappear before she allowed herself to tear up. She whirled to the other two.

"What is his problem?" she shouted angrily at them. Beast Boy quailed, but Cyborg merely shrugged, as though determined to weather this storm.

"No idea. He's been broodier than usual, lately," he said. "Spends a lot of time in Raven's room, rips apart the unused rooms and weeds out things we don't need." Starfire's brow furrowed in exasperated confusion and threw her hands in the air in defeat.

"And then he wonders why I leave without informing him! I am no tool of his!" she shrieked in annoyance before storming off to her own room.

As she slammed the door behind her, she found herself longing for Speed's easy conversations and Aqualad's flirting. She bit her lip; surely _that _wasn't good. But, Robin would be back to normal shortly, and then it wasn't going to matter. Stoicly reminding herself of why she loved Robin in the first place, she unpacked her bags.

She did some wardrobe rearrangements to put her comfy clothes near the top, and changed into them once she was finished. Her long, red hair went back into a braided ponytail that she curled around her head and pinned into place to keep out of her way, and then tied a bandanna over the whole knot. The Tower was trashed, and she was going to remedy it. Nobody had even kept up the pretense of cleaning since Raven's death, and it was time for everyone to move forward, Robin or no Robin. She wiped away the remnants of her rebellious tears, resolving to talk to Robin once he'd calmed down, and walked out of her room.

* * *

Raven sat stone still, endlessly recycling old and discarded ideas as she sat in bed. Perhaps Robin could take her mirror into the hospital ward, deadly watcher demons be damned? No go; she was bound to the mirror, whether she liked it or not. Perhaps another copy of the book, squirreled away? But no, she'd combed the palace and the outlying buildings. Constructing some kind of anti-spell to combat whatever had taken hold of her mind? Plausible, but it'd take too long to figure out. She numbered herself in hours, now.

Her mind was a finely honed tool of concentration, and nothing less would suffice, at this point. Even the slightest hint of a gap in her defenses, and everything would come crashing down. The poor mirror was on its last legs. A huge, spiderweb crack spread across the glass, and the handle felt as brittle as old bone. Her power wasn't faring much better; she kept forgetting how to wield it.

Suddenly, an almighty assault rolled over her mind. Her defenses shook under the force of the power, and grudgingly, she gave a little ground for the sake of keeping a lot of it. Her flexible shield held as she felt the last remnants of Starfire's glowing green eyes and brilliant red hair slip away…barely. She knew there were others before the alien; others she'd grown to love. But as Star's happy face faded into darkness, she knew that the next time she saw them, if she ever saw them, there would be no happy homecoming. Just a scared demoness with a rampant mistrust of all things mortal.

She pulled her shield back even farther, creating a strong, stable little bubble around the important things. The book, the love for Earth, the Azarian in her, hate for her father…and Robin.

"You are mine," the very real image of her hissed gleefully from across the room, staring at her with red, hungry eyes. Raven closed her eyes to the shade, willing herself to hold out.

When the time came, she pulled into her lap the fragile mirror that she knew belonged to someone she loved but couldn't remember, like a childhood friend you only vaguely recall. Fond fingers caressed the broken glass, and she cut herself on the sharp edges. She only had the juice for one more shot left in her.

_Nothing ventured, nothing gained, _she thought grimly, flattening her hand against the glass as she forced herself into the mirror.

OHOHO. :D


	8. That Most Precious

That Most Precious

The magic of the mirror groaned at her and shook its proverbial fist, like an old man on his last legs. Nevertheless, it morphed beneath her, transporting her to a desperately fragile Nevermore. She ran through it, her feet pounding and making the universe shake. She'd discovered that once she'd physically manifested into the Earthly plan, things were much easier to hold together. Nevermore was the danger zone, and she couldn't afford a mistake. She prayed to any god that would listen that Robin would be there with what she desired.

The portal to her own mirror rose before her like a towering, hungry beast, and Raven threw herself into its gaping maw. As soon as her feet settled (so to speak), the magic around her stabilized, becoming more manageable. She could still feel the fraying edges. She gave the unfamiliar space she was in a token glance, but her surroundings were not important. Her presence was the only one in the room, and she clenched her fists and tapped her feet, struggling too hard with the magic to call out.

Her traitorous mind tried to use this time to attack her. Raven could vaguely feel her physical body being prowled around and watched, but it was happening so far away, it seemed. The purity of the Azarian kept the demon within her away, but she knew such a treatment would only hold for moments, at best.

Suddenly, the door whooshed open, and Robin stood there, holding a book.

"Thank Azar," Raven breathed, feeling her tense muscles relax. Robin furrowed his brow at her.

"Raven—"

"No time," Raven grated out, clenching and unclenching her teeth. "Read the Table of Contents to me." He set the spine on his palm and let the book flop open, flipped back to the first page, and frowned.

"Raven, I can't read this," he told her. She let out a hiss of effort as she successfully held her once-stable bubble up, protecting the last of her essence, then wiggled impatient fingers.

"Hold it up," she commanded. Robin did as he was told, clearly distressed but marvelous under pressure. She loved that about him. She scanned the Table of Contents, dictated the page number (another thing she had to help him decipher), and started reading a passage. With a jerk of her head, she indicated that he flip the page. He did so. A few more head jerks, a few more page flips…

Suddenly, she was distracted once again. Only moments remained before the memory spell would lock into place. She hissed through her teeth and looked up at Robin's face, hating herself.

"Robin, I'm so sorry," she said with as much honesty as she could muster, relishing his name on her tongue. His face screwed up in confusion as she very grudgingly let the memory of him slip away. Even as she looked at him, his features became unfamiliar. Her brow furrowed as the very name of her fearless leader slipped from her memories. Her eyes returned to the passage in the book, then lifted again, but this time, all she saw was a black-haired boy with a ludicrous mask on his face. She glanced around her at the unfamiliar space, feeling her memory slip away like water, and knew that this place, this man, was important to her, and she wanted to know why.

Suddenly, she zeroed in on the book. It was important, too. She had to escape from Hell and her father's clutches, no matter the cost. She had to return to this dimensional plane; something inexplicable called her to it. Not to mention her memory was being rudely hijacked, and that did not sit well with Raven at all.

Without asking questions of the man who held the book up for her, she indicated that he turn pages with quick jerks of her head. Finally, she came to a short paragraph that briefly outlined the way to get out of Hell.

"Unbelievable," she muttered incredulously. That bastard had _moved _the portal. It was in his closet, simply tossed away like a forgotten pair of shoes. A phrase in an old, archaic demon dialect said thrice would release all of the magical locks. No wonder he'd had it relocated; Raven would have been able to hack it on her own. "Poor security," she tutted, drilling the phrase into her brain all the same to scribble down the second she returned to Hell.

"Raven. Please tell me you found it," the man suddenly said, and Raven looked into his eyes. She fought not to recoil from the intensity of his stare.

"I must know you…" she murmured, taking a step towards him to peer at him closer, brow furrowed in concentration.

With that single step, the Azarian magic finally buckled, overwhelmed. The mirror she was tethered to sucked her back within itself, and she flew through Nevermore at blinding speed. The mirror she'd used to enter Nevermore shattered into fragments of glass and ivory, which then crumbled to dust, completely spent.

Raven glared at the demoness hallucination who stood so close to her, reaching to touch her, hated her even as the true Raven let go of the memories of being Azarian. The time for meditation had passed.

Raven leaped from the bed and shot to her vanity, where pen and paper were neatly laid out. She frantically scribbled notes of the location of the portal, as well as the phrase she'd read…where? It didn't matter; all that mattered was that she get it down on paper. Because she hated Trigon, and wanted to be away from him.

Suddenly, an iron grip closed around her free wrist, wrenching her arm up behind her back. Raven cried out and dropped the pen as pain lanced through her arm and shoulder. Another deceptively gentle hand laced itself into her hair, then yanked her head back against a smooth, bare shoulder.

"Your game is over. You lose," the demoness whispered, her lips brushing the shell of Raven's ear, her six eyes glowing bloody crimson in the mirror.

And then the other woman was gone. Raven collapsed onto the ground, her shoulder crying out in agony. She heaved great breaths, then sat up, throwing her hair back away from her face. With a grunt, she rotated her sore shoulder, rose to her feet, and looked in the mirror. What she saw made her face contort in disgust.

"This is…well, this is unacceptable," she muttered, picking at her greasy locks. She didn't want to fathom what she _smelled _like. She reached for her vanity to find something, _anything, _that would help her for the time being, and her hand settled on a sheet of paper. She squinted at the scribbles.

"Back door out of Hell?" she read, confusion coloring her gaze. Then, as she read further, she grinned; what a useful little spell. Glancing around to make sure there were no fellow demons in the vicinity, she tucked it away for safekeeping in her vanity; that was _certainly _valuable information she didn't want to lose. She picked around her vanity for a moment before deciding that a nice, long soak in one of the hot springs would really be the only way to get clean, and so, she wrapped her hair up in a towel to hide its state of maltreatment, stripped, and wrapped around towel tightly around herself.

_After all, I must look my best for Father, _she thought, a sly smile curling her lips as she left her room, ready and willing to flaunt all of the power bestowed upon _her _as she went.

* * *

Robin barreled into the bedroom, and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Raven standing there, then frowned. She looked like hell. She was so thin, so ghostly, so…dead.

"Raven—" he started, but she cut him off.

"No time," she barked at him, tense. "Read the Table of Contents to me." He quickly flipped to the pertinent section, and though the layout of the page reminded him strongly of a Table of Contents, the words were archaic and foreign.

"Raven, I can't read this," he said, frustrated. She took it in stride and told him where to go and what to do, but it was clear that she was stretched to her limits. Robin desperately wished he could do more to help her, ease her, but accepted that what he was doing was the best he could, and very important. He struggled to be the best bookstand he could be. He flipped pages for her when she demanded it, but suddenly, she hissed through her teeth, as though in pain. He looked up at her sharply, and was met with the saddest gaze he'd ever seen from her.

"Robin, I'm so sorry," she said. The simple honesty and sadness in those words cut him like a knife. But nothing happened. She simply went back to her book, indicating when to flip a page.

Robin decided that that scared him more. However, he didn't dare speak when she was so intent.

"Unbelievable," she muttered. He saw the wheels churning in her brain, and hope touched his heart.

"Raven. Please tell me you found it," he said, unable to keep quiet any longer. Her gaze panned back to him, and her brow furrowed in confusion.

"I must know you…" she murmured, taking a step forward, eyes narrowed thoughtfully. However, before she could do anything else, a great force shook the room, and as if a rope had been tied about her middle, Raven was yanked back into the mirror without so much as a cry.

The bedroom stilled, and the mirror's glass surface crumbled to fine ash.

Robin shook. The book slipped through his limp hands to hit the floor with a heavy thud. She forgot him. He _watched _her forget him. There had been no fanfare, no warning; it had simply happened. Were memories truly so fragile?

And yet, he didn't let the hope in him die that she would return. He couldn't, or he might break into pieces.

Suddenly, the door to Raven's room slid open, and he turned; his teammates stood outside, watching him there, the old book crumpled at his feet. He realized his hands were still in the air, as though holding the tome still, and he let them fall to his side. Starfire, brilliant Starfire, stepped forward, her face contorted in confused dismay.

"My Robin. What has happened here?" she asked, voice shaking. He shook his head.

"Nothing, Star—"

"Do not dare to lie to me," she said, her voice rising. "I heard Raven's voice. _I heard her!_"

"Starfire, I can explain—"

"You _dared _to hide her from us! You dared to keep her from us, then dare—_dare—_to shout at me for being obsessed!" she hollered. Her eyes glittered brilliant emerald green. Beast Boy and Cyborg didn't look much better. He held up his hands as a gesture of peace, then beckoned the other two in. The door whooshed shut behind them, and Robin sank onto the bed. Starfire, her eyes back to normal but her angry glare still firmly in place, bent to pick up the book. She clutched it to her chest, almost protective of the ancient leather.

He spent the better part of an hour explaining the situation, fiddling with the edge of his shirt as he spoke. Many questions were asked, but he couldn't answer most of them. By the end of it, the other males were considerably calmer, but Starfire only shot him uglier glares. Robin gave Beast Boy and Cyborg a glance, and they beat a quick retreat.

Once he was alone with his raging girlfriend, he shrugged at her helplessly.

"Starfire, I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but Raven asked me not to," he said. "She just wanted to make sure that nothing outside would suspect anything. It wasn't supposed to take this long."

"If you had just informed me, I would not have left for so long," she snapped. "Things would not be quite so dire. I would not have spoiled anything, and I am insulted that you thought I could not handle the situation with some discretion."

"It was Raven's idea, not mine," he protested, holding up his hands.

"She was dead and desperate. I do not expect her to think clearly. From you, on the other hand, I expected differently."

"Well, if you hadn't left in the first place—"

"And stay here, in this oppressive Tower? I had the nightmares every night of Raven, choking and dying in a pool of her own blood! I could not stay here!" she shouted. Robin's eyes widened.

"Babe, I didn't realize you were having such terrible nightmares. Why didn't _you _tell _me _that?" he said softly, reaching up to touch her cheek. She looked away, her eyes tearing up.

"Because I did not want to worry you. You had your own grief."

"You blowing up at me constantly wasn't helping, either."

"Well, perhaps I did not wish to tell anyone. It was very personal. Anyway, it no longer matters. They have disappeared," she retorted with a wet sniffle. Robin held his arms out to her and she sank into his lap to curl up into a tiny ball. He cuddled her close while she sobbed into his shoulder. He allowed her to carry on until she couldn't breathe out of her nose, then sat her up and tweaked her chin.

"It's going to be okay, though. She's coming back. She'll be home soon. She got what she needed while she was here," he told her with the first genuine smile he'd had since Raven died. Starfire managed a shaky smile back at him and nodded. He gave her a sound kiss for good measure before she stood and offered her hand. He took it, and only then did he notice her new wardrobe.

"Nice…sweatpants?" he asked sheepishly, picking at the lavender fabric. She twirled joyfully.

"They are quite comfortable," she said enthusiastically. "Now come. We are cleaning. Raven will find this place deplorable when she returns if we do not." Robin tried his best to bite back a groan, but he couldn't feel too down about it.

After all, Raven was coming home.

A/N: Thank you all for your support; see you next chapter! :)


	9. This Place of Mine

I apologize for being late with this, everyone, but FF servers decided that this story was weird and barred access for a short time. XD But, since there doesn't seem to be some weird error, now, onward and upward! I don't really know where this is going, yet, so sorry for the meandering crap I've been churning out. We'll get to the point someday.

I make no claims to TT. I just like to prod them around a bit.

* * *

This Place of Mine

The entire Titans team was filled with hope over the next few days. It wasn't even fragile hope; it was strong, solid, and tangible sureness. Raven was coming home to stay. They cleaned the Tower, aired out her room, bought her gifts and new tea, and smiled and laughed, waiting for her to come striding out of the hospital ward with a smug smile and a victorious story.

Even as the days dragged to weeks, their anticipation was palpable. Starfire ran the message to Titans East, who also began to buzz with excitement. They went back to battling their foes with new fervor, but stopped short of informing the entire city. Let Raven return to tell her adoring fans herself.

Weeks dragged into months. This was when they started to acknowledge the niggling disappointment in their hearts. But life had moved on; they had forced it to, and they couldn't let it go, now.

After a year and a half, they finally had the courage to come right out and say it; Raven wasn't coming back. Something had happened; she was gone. They talked endlessly about going to find her and bring her home, but every lead became a dead end. There was a frenzied obsession for a few months, but by the time the second anniversary of Raven's death rolled around, the obsession had died out. The heavy air that had immediately followed Raven's death had settled again in the course of that time. It wasn't sharp or explosively crippling, but the weight was heavy, all the same. Time, it seemed, wasn't so good at healing. They continued to fight crime and support Jump City, and everyone else's lives continued with annual ceremonies to honor the fallen heroine and all she'd given, but things had changed forever, and none of the Titans could ever forget it.

* * *

Raven wandered restlessly through the quiet hallways of the expansive palace. Her blood sang for…something. It wasn't for violence, for malice, for sex, for any sort of carnal pleasure. It was simply…something indiscernible.

It was driving her insane.

She sighed in frustration and fluttered her fingers in the air, thinking. Ever since her Father had moved her into the royal suites some years ago, she'd been struck with restlessness. She'd been able to ignore it at first, but it was only getting increasingly more annoying as time flowed forward.

"Fancy meeting you here."

Speaking of which.

"Hello, dearest brother," she said with thinly veiled patience as she turned. Ciaran leaned against the wall, examining his nails.

"You're up so late," he commented. She smiled woodenly.

"Can't sleep, though now that you mention it, I think I'm beginning to feel a bit of exhaustion," she told him flatly. He arched a brow.

"You know, I've noticed that you've been plagued by some worry lately. Wanderlusting? Or simply lusting?" he asked, reaching out to take her hand. She arched an eyebrow; out of all of her idiotic siblings, Ciaran had always been the bravest.

"If I were lusting, you would be the last to know," she commented blandly as he pulled her close to him and put an arm around her waist. Her brow furrowed. "And why do you even care? Aren't you too busy licking Father's boots?"

"I'm interested in a new pair of boots," he replied easily. She arched an eyebrow and grinned.

"Then by all means, get on your hands and knees," she told him. "That's a royal decree." He laughed; a deep, ringing sound. Pleasant, if it weren't for the one amused. Raven frowned, suddenly irate again and wanting to end this little charade.

"What do you want?" she demanded. He shrugged.

"I just think I know why you're so…restless, and would like to offer a suggestion," he said carelessly.

"If you think it's because you and I haven't had a roll in the hay—"

"Go to the mortal plane," he cut in. She let a ringing laugh cut the air, but when his didn't join hers, the laughter died. She frowned.

"You're serious," she said, stepping out of his hold. He nodded once, gravely.

"Indeed," he replied. "You'll sleep like a baby." She looked at him in confusion, then slowly shook her head.

"What are you planning?" she asked suspiciously. "You know as well as I that the mortal plane is…unsavory. Not to mention that there's no way to get there."

"_I_ think that, but I've also been there. You have not, and I know you have a way to get there, because I snooped around your old rooms," he said with a shrug. She narrowed her eyes angrily.

"How dare you invade my private chambers?" she hissed. He snorted.

"Be serious, now; this is me, after all. I've been waiting for you to light upon the idea yourself, but after nearly three years, I figured it was finally time for a push," he said.

"What are you up to?" she snapped.

"Baby, I'm _always _up to something," he retorted as he whirled and began to walk away. "Consider my advice, pumpkin. I mean, you could always live with the burn of…well, whatever you've got bothering you."

Raven glared at his retreating back as he rounded a corner, barely containing her urge to rip him to pieces. The mortal plane? What nonsense.

However, as she stamped back to her room, his suggestion nagged at her mind, no matter how she tried to shove it away. How like him to only exacerbate her problems. The more she tried to talk herself out of visiting the Earthly plane, the more her gut instinct cried out for it. She knew that, in part, she was so desperate for the burning ache inside her to stop that she was ready to latch onto any suggestion, seeing as she'd tried everything else.

She slipped back into her room and locked the door behind her. Moonlight threw deep shadows over the furniture. With a sigh, she moved to her vanity and pulled a small drawer open. Underneath some hair ties and combs lay the innocent paper, quickly folded. She hadn't touched it since the day she found it, and when she drew it out and opened it in a patch of moonlight, the ink had faded along the folds. She whispered the archaic phrase and ran a finger along the looping ink.

How bad could it be?

Raven glanced up at her door; her father wouldn't be in his rooms tonight. He had been called on earlier that afternoon to deal with a minor uprising, leaving the rooms unprotected. Of course, the guards would be outside the door, but they wouldn't dare bar Raven entrance. She closed her fist around the paper, making up her mind, and quickly dressed. If she didn't find what she was looking for, then she could simply return to her life and pretend it never happened.

Raven slipped out of her suites and trotted down the hall. The guards allowed her passage without a word. She closed and locked the door behind her, then crossed to the closet.

Perhaps "closet" was too generous a word, really. The closet was really a set of three rooms. There was a sparse selection of clothing, since Trigon didn't favor much by way of wardrobe, but the rest of the space was taken up with weapons, armor, and choice selections from the royal treasury.

One of the rooms was completely bare of any sort of space. Raven cast about with her senses, an odd habit she'd picked up some years back, but couldn't feel anything untoward, as always. She glanced around, then flattened the crinkled paper in her fist.

"Amelgri gufdan aruvianis," she read, her voice rich and flowing. She glanced around the room as the ring of her voice died, holding her breath.

Nothing happened. The expectant tension in Raven's shoulders melted away, and she sighed, blowing a strand of hair out of her face. Useless. She should have known it wouldn't be that easy. Irritably, she ripped the paper into tiny pieces, bleeding off her frustration.

"Back to brooding," she said sullenly, and as she turned, she threw the paper over her shoulder, scattering the pieces across the carpeting.

Suddenly, she felt a small tugging in the back of her mind. Her brow furrowed, and she stopped. She peeked back over her shoulder, and saw a tiny dot of brightness floating in the middle of the room. She turned. The tiny dot grew to the size of her fist as she drew closer, intrigued. Her hand reached for the pure light, so out of place in the darkness of Hell.

Her fingers slid into the globe like it was liquid slime. She wrinkled her nose and pulled, trying to free herself, but the light grasped her like a living thing and yanked back, jerking her forward up to her elbow. Her eyes widened as the light dragged her in up to her shoulder. She moved her face away, struggling, but after another moment, the light gave her an almighty yank, and she was sucked completely into the portal.

Despite the fact that the portal was made of light, all that greeted Raven on the other side was darkness. She fell through the blackness and let out a cry as her stomach dropped, reaching out to grasp anything she could to stop her plummet into nothingness.

Suddenly, as she blinked, everything changed. The darkness went from absolute to…something different.

She opened her eyes, never remembering their closing, and fell back with a thud onto something soft.

"What the…?" she murmured, curling her fists. She felt different, somehow; heavy, but not uncomfortably so. She sat up and looked around her.

She was lying on a sterile white bed. A hospital? But no, there were homier touches to this room; a vase of dried, dead flowers, hot pink curtains around her bed, and a photo on the bedside table of a redheaded woman. She cast about with her senses again, and was surprised as the layout of the room made itself clear in her mind. What in Hell was going on here?

She looked down at her body and saw that she was sporting some strange clothing. A leotard covered her, while a gaudy golden belt wrapped around her hips and tall bots hugged her calves. A blue clock hung from her shoulders, heavy and unfamiliar. Her stomach ached. She pressed her hands against it to ease the ache, then gasped as she felt large knots across the skin beneath the cloth. Quickly, she stripped out of the strange clothing and looked down at herself.

What had once been unmarred skin across her torso was riddled with unsightly scar tissue that was slightly raised under her hands, rather than flush with her skin. She wrinkled her nose in distaste as she felt all about herself, noting more scar tissue along her back and arms. Her arms, at least, were smooth, but something had done a number on her, that was for sure. The travel through the rift? But no, these wounds looked old.

With a wince, she rose to her feet, feeling abominably stiff. She stretched, and her muscles and bones creaked and ached. After a few moments of bouncing around, though, she felt decidedly more limber. She left the discarded clothes on the floor, which smelled atrocious, and peeked outside the brilliant curtain.

Another hospital bed stood a few feet away. She darted to it and pulled the clean, white sheet from it, wrapping it about herself securely. She ran a hand through her hair; at least her body seemed clean, even if her clothes weren't. Tentatively, she cast about with her senses again, which built her the scene outside of the room. She slipped from the room and nearly tripped on her sheet when it got caught in the door. Bolder now, she reached out with her mind again, following a route her body seemed to know, but her mind didn't. The air was strange and heavy; it tasted somber, with a thin veneer of happiness over the top, as if trying to hide it. She wrinkled her brow; she tasted air, now? What was this place?

Soon, the sound of voices reached her, bickering. She hurried towards the voices, then slowed her pace near a large, open doorway and pressed her back against the wall, listening to an argument that two mortals were having. Loathe though she was to make her presence known, she was stuck in a world she knew nothing about and was going to need some assistance.

Taking a deep breath, she tightened her sheet around her and stepped out into the light.

Across a large expanse of red carpetting, four mortals were seated together on a couch that faced a gigantic screen, which the four were watching intently and shouting about. Warily, Raven took a few steps forward.

"Excuse me?" she asked cautiously, going for the diplomatic approach until she gauged those she spoke with.

She heard three sharp cracks as the mortals on the couch dropped things, and all four whirled to look at her. She narrowed her eyes at their expressions of shock, then straightened, trying to look her most regal.

"I seem to have stumbled into a place I do not belong. If I could simply get some assistance, I could—"

"_Friend Raven!" _the redhead woman (same as in the hospital picture) shrieked, cutting Raven off. Her eyes widened as the woman launched herself over the couch and flew at her with wild abandon, and could do nothing as the redhead plowed into her, knocking her to the floor.

"I cannot believe that you have arrived! It has been nearly three years since your untimely demise! We had given up hope!" the woman sobbed into her shoulder.

Suddenly, the other three men were kneeling around the two women, laughing, touching her, exclaiming their joy at her return. Her eyes darted from one to the other in quick succession before she squished them shut and shrieked.

"Get _off _of me!" she cried, and to her amazement, black light blossomed around her body, throwing all four mortals across the room. Raven scrambled to her feet, eyes wild, and she heard glass shatter behind her as the mortals struggled to their feet. She took a few hasty steps back, but one, a black-haired male with a ludicrous mask across his eyes, stepped towards her and held out an entreating hand.

"Raven, please, don't go. I'm sorry for our outburst; of course you have no idea what's going on," he said quickly. She stopped, and a pillow on one couch exploded in a haze of feathers. Her gaze darted to the pillow, but the man held up his hands quickly.

"Raven, please! You have to calm down," he warned her. She met his eyes and scowled.

"_I _need to calm down? I was just attacked!" she shouted, the sounds of destruction fueling her fervor. His eyes widened, and he hurried towards her before she could retaliate. He took the hand that wasn't holding up her sheet in both of his own and gripped her fingers.

"I understand that you're upset and confused right now, but I really need you to trust me when I ask you to _calm down_," he said softly. "I don't want you to hurt yourself."

"If there's anyone I'm hurting, it's going to be—"

"Please."

Raven clenched her fist around her sheet and yanked her hand out of his before closing her eyes and taking a few deep breaths. The clamor in her mind quieted to a dull roar. Some indiscernible thing settled inside of her, and Raven realized that, against all odds; Ciaran had been correct. Her burning ache for something beyond her reach was sated. Whatever she had been looking for, being here, in this place, had been the answer. But what had been the question?

She opened her eyes again, meeting the masked gaze of the man before her.

"Who are you? Why do you know my name?" she demanded. The man let out a sigh of relief.

"I'm Robin, and this is Cyborg, Beast Boy, and Starfire. You…Well, it's actually a pretty long story. Why don't I just show you to your room for now, and we can talk about it once you're…settled?" Robin suggested. Raven glanced around him at the expectant faces of the others, including the pitifully destroyed expression of the redhead, Starfire, then looked back at Robin. She drew herself up and nodded somberly.

"Fine. I require a change of clothes, as well," she said. Robin hesitated for a moment, and then inclined his head. A smile quirked Raven's lips. It seemed he, at least, understood that he was speaking with no average individual.

He stepped around her and started off in the opposite direction, and Raven turned to follow. Once again, her feet stepped with a surety of her surroundings that she didn't feel as Robin led her through a maze of corridors. He soon came to a stop outside of a door that looked no different than the rest, and keyed in a number on a small keypad. The door hissed open, and he gestured that she enter first.

"There are clothes in your closet and dresser, and a bathroom is three doors down the hallway to your left. Go ahead and explore the room. You'll probably be pretty interested in what you find," he invited. Raven looked over her shoulder and narrowed her eyes at him, suspecting foul play, but he merely smiled, inclined his hand again, and left, leaving the door to swoosh shut behind him.

With a sigh, Raven let her shoulders slump and went over to sink onto the bed. She looked around the unfamiliar space and flopped back onto the mattress, looking imploringly at the ceiling.

What had she gotten herself into?


	10. Tantrum

Hello, everyone! Quick update to leave you on the edge of your seats. Shower me with nasty reviews about how I'm terrible to you. ;) Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I make no claims to Teen Titans.

* * *

Tantrum

Raven spent the rest of the evening in the bedroom provided for her. Once she'd dressed in some of the clothing of the mortal realm (that was perfectly her size; a fact not lost on her), she half-heartedly began to poke at the oddities in the room. Shelves upon shelves of books spanned two walls, with barely enough room for a desk. She found a photograph in a broken frame of a tall, lovely woman. She had almond-shaped eyes, vibrantly violet hair, and a kind smile. Raven furrowed her brow and ran her fingers across the photo, then picked up a nearby mirror and looked at herself in it. The similarities were impossible to miss.

In her hearts of hearts, she knew that the story her Father had told her about her mother being some far-off, vengeful, wildly beautiful demoness had been a lie. She just hadn't had the proof until this very minute. She touched the photo again. This woman was not vengeful. It was not in her eyes.

The real question now was how such a photograph came to be in this room in the first place.

Fueled by this unexpected treasure, Raven began to search the room more diligently. She flipped through the various tomes with renewed interest, finding all sorts of information on various things; dimensional travel, magic, meditation. Things that sang to her soul for reasons she couldn't put a finger on. Experimentally, she held out a hand and concentrated.

With an effortlessness that thrilled and scared her, she made the photograph rise from the table and sail across the room to settle on the palm of her hand. She sent the small thing back and forth before moving other things around.

The power pleased her. She let out a delighted laugh as she made her pillows walk across her bed, amusing herself, when suddenly, they shattered into a frenzy of soft feathers. She pulled her hand back quickly, and realized that many things in her mind were clamoring for attention, threatening to overwhelm her. Hastily, she closed her eyes and took a few breaths, stilling her emotions.

"So the key to this fascinating new trick is calm. Control," she muttered to herself, then sighed. She was a demoness, for Hell's sake! They were built to express themselves as violently as possible.

_And yet, it seems that you are not _full _demoness, _she reminded herself, glancing at the photo on the desk. There were many breeds of life that did not come to her Hell dimension, so it did not surprise her that she did not know the race of her mother. She turned and looked back at the shelves and shelves of books.

Perhaps they would tell her what she wished to know.

With a determined nod, she pulled down several tomes and began to glance through them. There were many that spoke of various magical powers, but few spoke of her ability to "taste" the air for various feelings and emotions and her dark, empathic energy. With a few picture references in some of the books, she was able to deduce that she was probably part Azarian.

"Pacifists?" she spat out in disgust. "They're all _pacifists? _That will NOT do." She was certainly no pacifist. If she wanted something, she took it, and that was the end of _that. _

However, just because she didn't like it didn't mean she didn't still have to deal with it. She may not have felt very Azarian, to be sure, but she still had their power, and she still had to control it. She could seriously destroy something with the vast power inside of her, and while she didn't necessarily _mind _destruction, she _did_ mind when it turned its blind eyes to things important to her. So once again, she turned to the books.

She spent the next several hours testing out different methods of meditation until she found a style that she felt comfortable with. The silence was deafening, so she started to mutter old demonic proverbs under her breath. However, they tended to incite a host of powerful emotions that proved counterproductive, so she tried for some peaceful words in a demonic tongue.

Peaceful and demonic didn't go together, it seemed.

Eventually, she turned back to the tomes about the Azarians, and simply decided to use "Azarath" as a focus word.

She drew herself into a deep calm that she hadn't thought existed within her, and remained as such until morning.

* * *

Birds and sunlight eventually drew Raven from her peaceful reverie with the gentleness of a sea breeze. She had never known such calm existed. Well, she had _known _it must be possible somewhere, of course, but she'd never imagined herself experiencing it. She had always thought such things beneath her. But now, she wasn't so sure.

She glanced towards the door of the room just as her stomach gave a loud, hungry grumble. She sighed; she would have to face them sometime.

Grudgingly getting to her feet, she went to the closet and fished out one of the many dark blue cloaks that hung within. It settled about her shoulders, and she drew the hood up so her face was bathed in shadow. It functioned like a barrier against those outside this little haven she'd been given, albeit rather flimsy. She felt confident she could defend herself if they attacked, but something told her that they would do no such thing. Hopefully, however, they _would _be able to answer her questions, for she had many. Namely, the photo, but she was sure there would be others.

She swept out of the room with all of her Princess-y attitude, but promptly lost it when she realized she was lost. She reached out with her power, sending it to explore, and found life somewhere in the vast tower. She went towards it like a moth to flame, tasting tension in the air.

The four in the living space were stretched as thin as a wire. The moment she walked in, everything became even more strained. Starfire was perched stiffly on a countertop, muscles rippling in her arms as they shook. Beast Boy poorly tried to ignore her, his eyes darting back and forth as he studied the countertop at the island. Cyborg was pacing, but stopped and looked openly at her as she walked in, examining her guardedly. Robin leaned against the back of the couch, his toe tapping. Only he made an effort to greet her.

"Good morning, Raven," he said, his voice falsely bright. "Did you sleep well?" She glanced at him, then awkwardly crossed her arms.

"I've…discovered many things over the course of the night. I wish to ask some questions," she explained delicately. "The first of which is this photograph." She held up the picture. Starfire practically exploded off the counter to swoop in close, hovering several inches off the ground to examine the photo. Raven realized that the red-head simply wished to be closer to her, and had taken the photo as an excuse.

"Why, this is your mother, of course," Starfire said with calculated calm.

"Indeed. But why is it here, in this plane?"

"Because this is your home," she answered, her expectant, green eyes boring into her own. Raven furrowed her brow and took a step back.

"That is impossible," she responded sharply. Robin walked up to the two of them and put a hand on Starfire's shoulder. Starfire looked back at him, and he raised an eyebrow pointedly. She threw her hands in the air.

"Oh, very well! But I cannot be expected not to speak!" she cried, exasperated. Robin's hand moved to take one of hers, and he kissed her fingers, pulling her away from Raven. There was a low discussion with barely suppressed frustration on Starfire's part, but eventually, the woman ran an agitated hand through her hair and promptly soared out an open window and across the lake beyond.

"Where's she going?" Beast Boy demanded.

"She's going to Titan's East," Robin replied with a shrug. "It's too much for her, I think."

"Cop-out," the green man muttered, propping a chin on his hand. Robin gave Beast Boy a cursory glare before beckoning to Raven. She went to him reluctantly, and followed him to sit gingerly on the couch.

"We didn't really know how to talk to you about this without freaking you out, so…we did this, instead," he explained awkwardly. Cyborg picked up a small remote and clicked a button towards the massive screen, which flickered to life.

Soft music began to come from the surround speakers, and pictures began to fade in and out of the screen; pictures of HER. Raven watched with growing disbelief at the overwhelming display. There were newspaper clippings of their group, the Titans, standing triumphantly over felled villains, formal pictures taken by professional photographers, goofy snapshots clearly taken by other members of the team, and even fan art from normal citizens around the world. Eventually, she grew numb as they flashed by, proof of something she never remembered once experiencing.

"Turn it off," she said. Cyborg glanced uncertainly at Robin, which infuriated Raven. She surged to her feet. "I said, turn it _off!" _Hastily, the man clicked another button, and the screen went dark. She rounded on Robin.

"What is the meaning of this?" she demanded fiercely. She heard a low groan as something large and mechanical threatened to throw screws.

"I know it's a lot to take in, but—"

"Who is the woman?" she shouted.

"It's you. You were one of us, Raven. Our friend."

Raven stared at him for a moment, working her mouth in disbelief, before scoffing incredulously.

"That's simply not possible," she denied. "That woman is not me! I'm no…no fighter of evil! I am the Princess of a prominent Hell dimension!"

"Raven…" Cyborg said warningly, glancing towards the kitchen as chairs began to float.

"No! No, this is…lies!" she shrieked, and all five bar stools splintered into tiny fragments.

"Man, it took me _weeks _to make those…" Cyborg muttered. Robin held out his hands quickly, but Raven skipped away from him.

"I am no friend to _mortals," _she hissed. "You people fear me! Worship me in an effort to appease me! I am your darkest nightmares!"

"We _love _you, Raven," Robin explained, but Raven shook her head violently.

"No, you do not! It _will not _be so!"

With that, she rose off the floor and swooped out the open window, flying towards the city as fast as she could. She'd show them. She'd show them she was no sweet thing like Starfire. She was a goddess, and deserved respect! Clearly, these people had forgotten that. She frowned, then let out a terrible battle cry as she soared past the city limits, murder on her mind and destruction in her heart.

She would simply have to remind them.

* * *

Robin shared a glance with the other two men.

"That went…well."


	11. Fluid Convictions

Moving on at a snail's pace. You know how it is. Experimenting with shorter chapters so it's not so much to take in at one time. Let me know what you guys think of that, if you have a thought towards it. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I make no claims to Teen Titans.

* * *

Chapter Eleven: Fluid Convictions

Raven's temper raged, unchecked. Things blew to pieces as she soared by. People ran from her and the explosions. Moans and shrieks of the dying was music to her ears. _This _was what she was. Terror, and malice, and blind violence. She allowed the emotions to fill her to the brim, and she let out a terrible battle cry.

By the time she was done with this city, there wouldn't be enough left to fill a thimble.

* * *

No time was wasted calling Starfire from Titans East and heading out into the city. The violence they saw floored them. Raven, so steadfast in her convictions to save those that couldn't save themselves, was the bad guy.

"What do we do?" Beast Boy asked as the three men stood in the streets, thunderstruck. Robin didn't have an answer. The destruction was overwhelming. Most of the criminals they faced needed boatloads of henchmen or devious planning. All Raven had at her disposal was a whole lot of rage, and that was more than enough. They couldn't see her past the skyscrapers, but her raucous screams were audible.

Starfire flew in a moment later and landed. Her hands were clenched around a tattered blue cloak. Tearstains made her cheeks shine. Robin took the blue fabric from her and saw that it was stained with soot and blood. It was enough to spur him.

"Bring her down," Robin said as he let the cloak pool at his feet. "Try not to kill her."

"Try?" Cyborg asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Would you rather let her keep going this way?" Robin asked, looking at the cloak on the ground.

"She would not want this," Starfire said. Before they could exchange another word, she tore down the street, looking like she was fleeing rather than preparing to battle her closest friend. Robin followed on his motorcycle as Starfire took to the skies, and Cyborg jumped into the car with Beast Boy. Robin burned rubber as he ripped through the streets, trying to avoid looking at the bodies around him. Even if they could get her to calm down, what then? How would they justify this to the citizens of Jump? They couldn't lie about it. The Titans never lied.

_Yeah, keep riding that high horse, _his brain told him, bringing back reminders of Slade and Terra.

A scream cut through the chaos, high and pure. Robin tried to urge the motorcycle faster; Starfire had met Raven head to head, and it sounded like the alien was losing. He slid to a stop at a large intersection, choking on the stink of burned blood. Star and Raven clashed in the clouds. Streams of green and black relentlessly pounded the surrounding buildings into gravel. Cyborg and Beast Boy arrived moments later.

"Cyborg, try and shoot her down," Robin said. It was as though someone else was giving the orders. "Beast Boy, get me up there." Beast Boy morphed into a pterodactyl and grabbed him around the arms. Robin's shoulders ached as Beast Boy pumped his wings, hauling him into the sky.

As they drew level with the battling women, Robin winced. Starfire was a mess. Blood oozed from her nose and mouth, and bruises were already forming on her scraped limbs. An ugly slash rode up her back, perilously close to her spine. Only the ferocious green of her eyes showed she still had energy to spare. Robin signaled to Beast Boy, and the pterodactyl banked around to flank Raven, who didn't look much better. Both of her shoes were gone, and she bled from the base of her skull. Black energy sparked around her save for when she gathered it in her hands to throw at Starfire.

"Wait until she's open, then swoop in!" Robin called up to Beast Boy. The dinosaur nodded as his muscles strained from the effort of holding Robin in the air.

Suddenly, Raven cackled and vanished in a puff of dark energy. Robin swore as the former Titan reappeared above the pair and sent her power down, lancing into one of Beast Boy's wings. Beast Boy's dinosaur roar of pain turned into the screams of a man as he morphed back into a human, sending both men plummeting. Starfire cried out as she shot after them, racing them to the ground. Robin reached and caught her around the wrist, then was jerked towards the ground even faster as Starfire extended her arm for Beast Boy. His arm was nearly dislocated as Starfire caught the back of the unconscious boy and leveled out. She slowed, trying to drop Beast Boy as gently as she could onto a grassy curb. He slid a little as he landed. His arm was bleeding heavily.

"Up!" Robin called, and Starfire grabbed his other wrist and did as she was told. Raven shot energy at them and Cyborg, who was blasting blue sonic bolts at her. Starfire swerved around the poorly aimed shots with ease and sent out twin lasers from her eyes, forcing Raven to dodge. A sonic blast clipped her thigh, making her shriek.

"Raven, stop this!" Robin shouted.

"You will fear me!" she screamed, throwing another bolt of energy.

"I tried! She will not hear!" Starfire called to Robin over the wind. "She is out of control!"

Another sonic burst made Raven's hair ruffle, and she turned, taking careful aim at Cyborg.

"Die!" she screamed at him.

"Now!" Robin shouted. Starfire whirled in a circle, building force, and threw Robin at the demoness. Raven turned, throwing her energy blast, but it whistled past Robin. Starfire shrieked behind him. Raven couldn't do more than brace herself as Robin collided with her waist. He clasped his arms around her, pinning her elbows to her sides. They fell together towards the earth.

"If I go, you're coming with me," she snarled at him, grabbing fruitlessly at his arms. Only then did Robin see the exhaustion in her eyes. She was spent. The world slowed as Robin's focus narrowed on her. The wind around them went silent.

"Why are you doing this?" Robin asked.

"I am the future queen of Hell. This is who I am," Raven replied.

"You have no idea who you are!"

Robin released her, but her grip on his arms grew tighter. Her gaze flicked about his face. After a moment of searching, she averted her eyes.

"Apparently."

The scream of the wind returned. Raven let out a scream of effort, and blackness blossomed around them. She could only slow them before they hit the ground, but it was enough to keep them alive. Robin felt ribs crack as they were smashed between Raven's weight and the concrete. He prayed he wouldn't puncture a lung. Raven tumbled off him and came to a stop several feet away.

"Robin!" Cyborg called. Robin winced, but didn't try to sit up. He turned his head and saw Cyborg standing over Raven with his sonic cannon pointed at her face. Raven was looking into the light, as though entranced.

"Dearest?" Starfire asked, and Robin looked up to see her drawing near to him with a heavy limp. One arm hung at her side. Robin gingerly climbed to his feet, and his chest screamed with pain. He bit his lip, trying to breathe shallowly even though he desperately wanted to pant from exertion. After a moment, he was able to get a handle on the pain.

"I'll be fine. Couple of ribs broke, I think," he told the alien. "Are you alright?"

"My shoulder is dislocated," Starfire said. "But an injury on my other arm prevents me from fixing it." Robin beckoned. Starfire came closer, closed her eyes, and grit her teeth around a cry as Robin popped the joint back into place.

"Thank you," she said, her smile still tense. Her skin was more red than flesh-colored.

"Where's Beast Boy?" he asked, looking around.

"I put him in the car. His arm is very broken," Starfire said. She looked around Robin at the fallen demon. "What shall we do about her?"

"I think she's alright, for now." Robin walked over to Cyborg and Raven, each step sending a knife of pain through his torso. Raven's eyes were closed.

"Think she passed out, but I didn't want to take any chances," Cyborg said, lowering the sonic cannon. Robin sighed.

"Put her in the car and we'll put her in one of the cells in the Tower," he said. "We'll deal with her once we've had a chance to rest."

"What'll we tell the mayor?" Cyborg asked.

"Who knows? Probably that she was afflicted by some kind of mind control or something," Robin said wearily. He didn't have to say what they might have to do if this sort of behavior continued.

Robin forced himself to look around at the bodies on the ground. He was no stranger to carnage, but it made him sick to think that Raven had done this. The Raven he knew would be sicker. He shook his head. They would simply have to help with clean-up and move on, as Jump often did. For now, he wanted nothing more than to lie down and sleep.

With a tired wave of his arm, Robin led his team home.


End file.
